Comments : Towards Water (Lune)

  • 9 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    Ahh...another new form! Looking at the number of words allowed here, it does not give much space to say all that one has to say. It needs to be concise and at the same time make sense; which you have done here so nicely.

    Towards Water

    ^^I like how you have used the opening line as your title, for it gives room for the reader to imagine.

    Battling to survive
    blazing sun consumed by jealousy,

    ^^Either you are talking about how the blazing sun turns the water hot or a person. In this case I feel because when you look at water it shimmers and glimmers with beauty; therefore the "sun" is jealous how the water is been loved by all rather then it.

    Or it can be about a person who has had an uphill life and battling so much along with society's outlook that he walks towards water to end it all/or maybe cleanse himself in the purity(water) to remove thoughts and feelings of other's jealousy.

    man of snow.

    ^^This part is where I'm stumped. Maybe this person is not affected or perhaps all the negativity of society has turned him/his heart to cold stone. Or it can be something totally different!

    All in all this write leaves that small space/doubt to wonder what its about. Nicely penned!

  • 9 years ago

    by Liz

    I have never heard of this form before, I really do hope I see more of this. I like the fact that this short write gives such a mysterious feel. Congratulations on the win!

  • 9 years ago

    by kitten

    I've never read one of your poems before, but seeing this on the front page intrigued me. It's very well written for it's length and format restrictions. Gorgeous write.

  • 9 years ago

    by Hellon

    Samia...how you have grown as a writer since you disappeared from this site for a time.

    I read and nominated this as a taxi was blasting it's horn impatiently outside waiting to take me to the airport so I didn't have time to leave a comment but I'm so glad the judges saw this little gem and loved it as much as I did!

    Let me just say that the contradictions you placed in each line really caught my attention and left me thinking about each line separately and...together. So good to see you back sweets...

  • 9 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    Congratulations on the Win!!

  • 9 years ago

    by Dark Secrets

    Short, simple, effective... love it!

    I like how you didn't need to explain the link, although the lines of the poem seem unrelated, but come together at the end. Also, it's nice to see new forms being used, refeshes a person. :)

  • 9 years ago

    by Ziad Dib Jreige

    Oft unseen style
    nice piece

  • 9 years ago

    by BlueJay

    Judging Comment

    As a piece that is literally three lines and eleven words this is a true representation of the poet's skill. There is a scene detailed enough to give a stage yet forgotten in such a way that every reader finds an entirely different meaning and tone to the actual setting/ story here. Not that either is universal nor ambiguous but it truly is left to every reader on their own in the way that this gives the poet's take on a moment - a thought in it's own stunning fragment. The word choice was utilized to the very fullest of anyone's ability given the format of the form. Stunningly penned.