Thats really sad but extremly good

That was pretty good, the flow was good but it didnt really catch my attention maybe try adding some different words like ones u dont see everyday but dont get me wrong this poem is good my fav lines are
"You lost him so long ago,
He doesn't want to give life a go,
He says he's tired and chewed up,
You tell him not to give up"
and i also loved the ending that was excellent way to end it

good job but from me 4/5

Hey this is really good
i like it alot, some of the words you used just clicked really well
=]

<3

Thank your for sharing such a wonderful piece of writing, i read and was quite moved, nicely crafted.

Well written!

Love it....

Breathtaking, the ending took my breath away completely. Wonderful write.

This is a fairly well written poem. The only thing I noticed is that your stanzas, well your lines, are very bland, and it seems that you're robbing the reader of a great peice of art. You seem to cut your lines short to fit the rythmn of the others, the only thing is you cut the raw detail out of it also.

You lost him so long ago,
He doesn't want to give life a go,
He says he's tired and chewed up,
You tell him not to give up

^^ Although some of the others may not have picked up on it, it seems that there's no real imagery here. Also you rhymed ago, with go.

That was the other main thing, try not to force your rhymes, let them flow and try to use a thesaurous because when someones sees words that arent commonly used, but they can still understand them, it draws them in even further to the poem.

Try a bit of puncuation also. Yes the beginings are capitalized and the endings have periods or ?'s, but I'm talking about the , , , , , , , , COMMAS! A lot of times you mean for a slight pause in the line, but not everyone reads it the same way. These , commas , automatically place a break in the poem, usually stating a new idea and breaks it apart from what you want it to be seperated from.

All in all its a great idea of a poem, but a 2nd draft. I know a lot of my poems are the same, but maybe some editing and this will become amazing amongst everyone.

Hey,
its a nice poem, the flow was sometimes a bit rough. and the rhyming was a bit forced. I did enjoyed reading it and the imaginary was good. keep up the good work.
kisses stephanie

I've read a couple of your poems, you're quite talented. I think this one may be my favorite so far, not really sure why it just is--which i think is reason enough : ).

ill have to read some more soon you take care.

*^*crow*^*

WoW!! this is sad.. really sad. i really like it . very well riten =) keep it up please! =)