"Alas dusk decends within the eyes,
-Oh, beautiful, beautiful way to put this! I thought this was amazing. You said.. "..dusk descends.." then you even go further by saying other words like if it's getting lower. :] Nice job. Hmm, however.. did you mean to say declining? :)
"When stars diverged into midnight,
You first held unity in palm."
-Diverged.. hmm.. nice word choice. :] This poem is beautiful.
"I caught pink butterflies.
-Ohh, nice! You used this idea again. Like you did earlier in your poem. I like it. :)
Beautiful opening stanza. It captivated me wanting to read more. Your word choice was exquisite and the rhythm you created throughout just flowed flawlessly and was effective in getting your message across. The way you described the sunset as antique was unique and painted a beautiful image in my mind.
I liked how this stanza was different from the one before because it created a different rhythm and imagery. Your expression of beauty was flawless in the words you used truly conveying the emotions you felt.
"stellar dance upon lips,"
^ I loved how that sounded when I read it out loud while it just naturally flowed off my tongue.
Aww beautiful way to end this flawess piece. I liked how this stanza was like the first because it contrasted nicely with your second stanza. I loved the imagery and the expression of your emotions. The last line just blew me away because it might be simple but I could tell it help an immense amount of meaning.
"darkness holds beauty of its own."
^Beautiful and unique line. It stood out to me the most even though each line was flawless.
Nicely written my dear.
Another wonderful love poem by you.
Please write more!
I haven't read some of your pieces in a while, and I find that this piece ... the style is different from the long stanzas I've read from you in the past, but with even less words, you still create a beautiful, potent emotion that just reaches for me as I'm reading through this poetic lexis that you've created.
`it's so effective, and it creates such stunning imagery. these words screamed at me ... and yet all the same, they seemed to whisper in a gentle breeze.
darkness holds beauty of its own.
`these sort of ... creative twists on words are hard to write. this reminded me of a lyric that stood out to me before, "there's beauty in the breakdown." the irony but the truth of something just captivating being able to lie within an evil is a striking image, and a beautiful metaphor.
The way you ended it -- that last stanza, was absolutely breathtaking. The emotions and the pictures that you portray are just .... beyond words.