Comments : Peaceful Trance

  • 9 years ago

    by gracey grey

    This poem is really therapeutic .......entrancing indeed..........with music in the background, would definitely take one to a higher place :

    "Walk on over with your bare feet.
    Slowly bend down and take a seat.
    Let your toes free and enjoy the air.
    Dip them in the water for a joyful affair."

    This here is my favorite stanza..........for fact that feet is the one taking all the weight :)........tinkling....nice.I like this poem.....can be used for other purposes ........depending on one's understanding.

  • 9 years ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    This was recommended to me and I am very glad too. Apart from the meter, which is a matter of preference, I can't fault this piece. You have created a vivid world for the reader to visualise, so while the poem unravels the reader drifts along too.

    My favourite out of all the other excellent lines is this - Candle and mind become intertwined. Great image!

    Well done

    Michael

  • 9 years ago

    by Sourav

    Not many people have noticed this poem as I see it. It's a wonderful poem. Lines are so strong and meaningful. Very very captivating. I really enjoyed reading this.

  • 9 years ago

    by Sora Lynn

    Wow!!
    this poem is now my favorite!!
    it was beautiful in every way.
    wow..im speechless. such great emotion, a wonderful flow. a lovely piece.
    kind of suspenseful in a way actually.
    i loved every word. i was glued ot every word.
    wonderful job well done!!
    5/5.

  • 9 years ago

    by expressivechild

    Excellent! Your use of language is very good and creates amazing imageries that leaves readers with a lasting impression! 5/5 without a doubt!!!!!!!

  • 9 years ago

    by BREEawNUHH

    "Let the lights dim in the distance.
    Free your mind from existence.
    Watch the candle flicker and dance.
    Fill your heart with sweet romance."

    ^^ Wow. This is outstanding. The first stanza is written so wonderfully, that I could not keep myself from finishing the piece.

    "Concentrate on the sound of my voice.
    Allow your senses for once to rejoice.
    The flame begins to fill the room.
    Slowly taking over the inner gloom."

    ^^ As I read the words you write, the picture becomes more and more visible.

    "Feel your pain melt over that fire.
    Letting your heart dissolve desire.
    Now dim your eyes and clear your mind.
    Candle and mind become intertwined."

    ^^ I loved this stanza, probably more then any of the others. The imagery is so beautiful. And the last two lines completely blew me away.

    "Come with me to a beautiful place.
    Where life moves at a rhythmic pace.
    Look at the clear lake in the distance.
    Feel the wind blow whistle gently with insistence."

    ^^ I liked this. However -- I feel I should make a suggestion -- The last line kind of throws off the flow a bit. I was thinking maybe removing the word "gently". I think it will help with the flow.

    "Now go ahead, walk slowly to the lake.
    Forget everything at stake.
    You see the dock waiting for you.
    Gently swaying in a water so blue."

    ^^ Absolutely amazing. I'd be completely out of line to suggest any changes to this stanza. it's perfect.

    "Walk on over with your bare feet.
    Slowly bend down and take a seat.
    Let your toes free and enjoy the air.
    Dip them in the water for a joyful affair."

    ^^ Hm. I liked this. Not one of my favourite stanzas in the piece, but it was still good.

    "Take a deep breath and enjoy the feeling.
    Look around at nature starts appearing.
    The pine trees sway with the wind in a gentle motion.
    The reflections rippling with great devotion."

    ^^ The second line -- I think it should read "Look around AS nature starts appearing". I think it'll sound better than "at". Just an opinion, of course.

    "The glare of the sun bounces off the water with a gentle shimmer.
    Flickering, shining then slowly going dimmer.
    The air smells of fresh weed and fish.
    A lungful here makes life vanish."

    ^^ These images are gorgeous. I must say, however, I'm not fond of the rhyming in the last two lines -- "fish" & "vanish". They just don't sound right to me, but that's probably just me.

    "Breathe it all in and feel the freedom of your soul.
    Bring it all together and make yourself whole.
    Watch the water slowly turn red.
    Let peace through your body spread."

    ^^ A mind blowing ending. It's sort of wraps up the piece in such a beautiful way, I wish it was over.

    Overall; I loved this piece. It was written fabulously, and the imagery your words provided amazed me.

    5/5

    -Briana

  • 9 years ago

    by Jyoti Rawat

    It is very beautiful poem.

  • 9 years ago

    by Edward D Zurovec

    Some time I read into a poem and see things maybe unintended. Your imagery was excellent. It was kind of like reading/hearing words of a Cult Leader inticing his followers into some act of allegiance. The last stanza provided this thought
    watch the waters turn slowly red
    let peace through your body spread
    This seemed a bit suicidal to me, just a thought. Congratulations!
    Peace and Blessings
    Congratulations on a well done Poem!

  • 9 years ago

    by SG Khan

    Took me where the poem went. Relaxing!

  • 9 years ago

    by Goodbye

    I can not say anything but I think you did a great job!

    This poem is very unique and wonderful. It is so inspiring. The flow is perfect.. The words are soothing...

    I think this poem is like some sort of therapy poem.. I mean...I feel this really good feeling after reading your poem. It is magical. :)

    Congratulations! :)

  • 9 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    Awww....you are talking about my secret place! I have one, where I go to when life gets me down. It exists in my mind and you have described it to a tee:)
    Thanks for sharing!
    I have 30 favorites already, but I have added this poem to my favortie poems, so I can find you again:)

    Take care,

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 9 years ago

    by ImperfectBliss

    Absolutely, indescribably beautiful....5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Dreamofolwin

    Excellent i can just pucture being here!

  • 9 years ago

    by Kait

    Beautiful. that's all i can say! :)

  • 9 years ago

    by LoreNz0

    A work of excellence. some great imagery, incredibly descriptive with a wounderful message. this really makes the reader feel good. keep it up =D

  • 9 years ago

    by The Prince

    I've noticed this on the front page for a while now, and have never actually read it. Now I've taken the time to, I can see why it did. Such captivating beauty is present in this poem and the title alone captures the essence of the poem, itself. It reminds me of..Wordsworth's poems about nature, and it's boundaries. Brilliant :)
    If you have any time at all, could you have a look at the poem 'Spring' I wrote about nature?
    Thank you
    5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by marclin

    As i read i began to mesmerize
    finding myself being hypnotize
    your gentle words runneth through my veins
    a vision of the beautiful lake i have seen....

    love it bro...keep up the good work!!!!!!

  • 4 years ago

    by Gabriel

    An awesome and beautiful poem, especially after getting sick of all the depressing poems on here including my own. It's nice to read a fresh breath of air once in a while! 5/5