Comments : Love Hold

  • 9 years ago

    by Sora Lynn

    Wow this was beautiful indeed!!
    i loved every word, the flow was fantastic and you are very good at expressing yourself through poetry, yer a wonderful writer.
    job well done yet again.
    5/5.

    -Ashlei.

  • 9 years ago

    by Tammie

    Hey,
    Yeah I think this is good. I'm a person these days that likes things filled with metaphors, simlies etc. But this is good in a straight to the point kind of way. It expresses a lot of emotion and it's flow is good. While reading it, the reader if they can relate, can ask the same questions and really feel how you are feeling and understand. That is a good thing.
    Well done, David. I think this is better than your old stuff. Better use of words and flow and not as cliche or cheesy, so yeah. :]

  • 9 years ago

    by June

    Wow!! I was hooked from start to finish...it was so powerful and the words were so heart touching.For you it may have been fiction but I am sure many out there have experienced similar situation ,and have been hurt that way.You have a great talent in your writing...don't ever give up!

  • 9 years ago

    by Kaila

    Wow lovely poem
    I could picture you walking and saying this to yourself
    it was powerful and the words were captivating
    nice change
    kaila

  • 9 years ago

    by BREEawNUHH

    "How did she tell me? So that I always knew
    That our life together
    Was to be so special,
    Only experienced by a select few"

    ^^ I don't really like the first line. It's kinda like you put two lines in the first one. I think you should make that two different lines or something. Other than that, I really liked this stanza. It was written pretty good.

    "I was so blind to the truth,
    So ignorant and confused
    It hurt when I first realized
    My heart was used and abused"

    ^^ I loved this stanza. I liked the emotion that is flowing from the words you used in this piece. Wonderful.

    "Yet what words can I say as a plea?
    To change your mind and make you change.
    What harmony and affection can hold you to me?"

    ^^ This is good. I liked how you used questions in the piece.

    "Yet you cut off my plea to you
    And you laugh in my face
    I'm torn and broken
    I'm forever disgraced"

    ^^ Hm. I don't think I like the fact that you used "plea" again. It was used in the first line of the previous portion. Of course, this is just a personal thing. It's still a very good stanza.

    "How did it end up like this?
    How did it end at all?!
    We were once so strong and firm
    Please tell me how did we fall?"

    ^^ This was also really good. Again; the emotion is amazing, because I feel like honest emotion makes a poem better.

    "I am alone, I am crying,
    My body within is stone cold
    So not to let the thoughts in
    For what is my life? Without my love hold..."

    ^^ Again, the last line seems like two lines pushed into one. I do like the rest of the stanza, though. It's well written.

    Overall; I liked this piece. It was real, and filled with emotion. Good job.

    5/5

    -Briana

  • 9 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    David,

    The difference between you and me is that my poems are true, sad to say...I am glad that your words are just fictional;)
    It is a beautiful poem and if I hadn't known better I would have thought it was a true story.

    Love, Ingrid

  • 9 years ago

    by NinjaGirl

    Another absolutely beautiful piece of poetry.. the wording, as always, is superb and descriptive, very much wonderful.
    absolutely brilliant rhyme with fantastic, but sad, vivid imagery behind it.
    i love this piece and will add it to my favorite poems.
    it flowed together very well. a master piece in my opinion, which deserves a

    5/5

    wonderfully written

    Keep Writing, hun
    As Always,
    ~NinjaGirl~

  • 9 years ago

    by jana

    Nice poem u got there keep up!

  • 9 years ago

    by Sourav

    Very emotional writing. liked the structure of the poem. It interesting to read because it touches heart. Good one.

  • 9 years ago

    by babygirl8610

    That is a good poem it reminds me of my ex's perspective of our relationship

  • 9 years ago

    by Tricky Daze

    Oh.that one was great to read
    Rhyme and emotions are so into each other
    Those are who made it so perfect

    Yet you cut off my plea to you
    And you laugh in my face
    I'm torn and broken
    I'm forever disgraced

    Keep it up,
    Laura

  • 8 years ago

    by Georgia

    Wow so good i remember when you first started. you have come along way and i still get hooked on every poem =]xx