Yeah I think this is good. I'm a person these days that likes things filled with metaphors, simlies etc. But this is good in a straight to the point kind of way. It expresses a lot of emotion and it's flow is good. While reading it, the reader if they can relate, can ask the same questions and really feel how you are feeling and understand. That is a good thing.
Well done, David. I think this is better than your old stuff. Better use of words and flow and not as cliche or cheesy, so yeah. :]
Wow!! I was hooked from start to finish...it was so powerful and the words were so heart touching.For you it may have been fiction but I am sure many out there have experienced similar situation ,and have been hurt that way.You have a great talent in your writing...don't ever give up!
"How did she tell me? So that I always knew
That our life together
Was to be so special,
Only experienced by a select few"
^^ I don't really like the first line. It's kinda like you put two lines in the first one. I think you should make that two different lines or something. Other than that, I really liked this stanza. It was written pretty good.
"I was so blind to the truth,
So ignorant and confused
It hurt when I first realized
My heart was used and abused"
^^ I loved this stanza. I liked the emotion that is flowing from the words you used in this piece. Wonderful.
"Yet what words can I say as a plea?
To change your mind and make you change.
What harmony and affection can hold you to me?"
^^ This is good. I liked how you used questions in the piece.
"Yet you cut off my plea to you
And you laugh in my face
I'm torn and broken
I'm forever disgraced"
^^ Hm. I don't think I like the fact that you used "plea" again. It was used in the first line of the previous portion. Of course, this is just a personal thing. It's still a very good stanza.
"How did it end up like this?
How did it end at all?!
We were once so strong and firm
Please tell me how did we fall?"
^^ This was also really good. Again; the emotion is amazing, because I feel like honest emotion makes a poem better.
"I am alone, I am crying,
My body within is stone cold
So not to let the thoughts in
For what is my life? Without my love hold..."
^^ Again, the last line seems like two lines pushed into one. I do like the rest of the stanza, though. It's well written.
Overall; I liked this piece. It was real, and filled with emotion. Good job.
The difference between you and me is that my poems are true, sad to say...I am glad that your words are just fictional;)
It is a beautiful poem and if I hadn't known better I would have thought it was a true story.
Another absolutely beautiful piece of poetry.. the wording, as always, is superb and descriptive, very much wonderful.
absolutely brilliant rhyme with fantastic, but sad, vivid imagery behind it.
i love this piece and will add it to my favorite poems.
it flowed together very well. a master piece in my opinion, which deserves a