Good stuff. the rhyming kind of made it lose a little of its effect because rhyming usually adds that rhythm that youre basically just waiting for. but i think you pulled it off well.
B.

Holy crap, that made me cry. your pretty good at that. lol, in a good way. but ypu could easily make me cry in a bad way...i digress. i love this.

--TheGothicAlbino