Comments : Beheading of Gravel Toes

  • 9 years ago

    by Nobodys Hero

    Thank you so much I love to read poems like this =] Your wording is beautiful and I really enjoyed reading every line. Amazing job this poem holds a meaning very true and perfectly portrayed ^^

  • 9 years ago

    by Roxy

    Mmmm, Never read a poem like this either. Lately I've been coming across so many poem styles that I haven't yet read and once again this is one of them. I like your note at the bottom explaining how it doesn't matter if the reader doesn't comprehend as long as it makes sense in your own mind. And I was actually going to comment about that because I didn't understand what the poem was actually about but still it was beautifully written and just beautiful itself :)
    I like your wording it's interesting to be honest I don't like poems like these but at the same time I do? They confuse me because I don't understand their meaning but at the same time they intrigue me because I'm curious? Now I'm wondering if that makes any sense at all :P
    Amazing poem :)
    Keep it up hun mwah xxx
    Mucho Love
    Roxy xxxx

  • 9 years ago

    by Melpomene

    It's been awhile, But i'm here now and this piece was actually quite interesting when you decode the metaphors and symbolism portrayed within each line. Basically i'm just going to start deconding it here and if i'm wrong then this is just my view on the piece, I guess each reader has a thought of their own.

    "Innocent feet fumble along piled gravel,"

    Pretty basic, Interesting imagery. Not hard to decode. Obviously someones walking across a ground of gravel.

    "wincing at the roughness of a lonely earth--"

    Again, simple yet effective, the gravel which the person is walking across hurts their feet. It's as though this person is walking their last mile in life before death.

    "outweighing the beauty of this child."

    It seems as though the child is judge for no reason what so ever. That the child is beautiful but whoever is there watching doesn't see that. It doesn't matter to them.

    "Nevermore begins to strap itself with love,"

    This line seemed to fumble for me. Nevermore = Never again. I liked the word strap so its like you are kind of saying that never again is entwined with love. Interesting just doesn't seem to make too much sense to me just yet. Maybe as I decode futher it will.

    "tightly winding through these gravel paths--"

    Again really simple if you look past the imagery. It's quite like the first line.

    "bedeviled by the Big Foot's spoor"

    Debeviled could mean many things as far as I know. So it could possibly mean that the child is tormented by Big Foots's tracks. So maybe the child is related to big Foot. It's child possibly. For in the first line like I explained above that the child isn't seen for it's beauty. It is judge for no reason. Maybe because it is big foots child, or in someone has contact with big foot.

    This piece to me seems like one giant metaphor for something within your life. As I read futher on You've wrote

    "Have a guillotine--
    or two."

    So death is of course the punishment here.

    "to love is to slaughter logic so--"

    I adored that line. It was beautiful with so much remorse.

    "under jurisdiction rule:
    to love is to slaughter logic so--
    unto this martyr, my lips give dignity;
    send forward thy execution"

    This stanza to me seems as though you are the one punishing someone as it is you who sends forward the execution.

    The end stanza was quite simple as beautiful yet brang forward many questions. I have many thoughts on this piece. It seems like a symbolic piece and if it wasn't it would simply be to me that a child was sentenced to death for being related to the notorious big foot. Despite the childs beauty..

    In a metaphorical way this seems to me to be a piece where you've punished someone for your own reasons yet seem to regret it. Possibly a lover, or someone close to you. It could also be a metaphor for a childs death... Maybe as in abortion. That the child was punished and executed [aborted] because of bigfoot [A man] in a metaphorical way. Bigfoot could be a metaphor for a male, as bigfoot was a notorious creature who was well known in America and the child could be his spawn who was sentenced to death simply because he was the child of bigfllt.

    Basically I liked this piece, and if it's the way I interpreted it. It was really amazing. If it wasn't it was still a lovely read which I did enjoy decoding in my own way. Sorry if I seemed all over the place in my writing but I had so many thoughts which I wanted to express. Over all a great read. Well done.

    -Mel

  • 9 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    "Invited were the soft cradle-songs--"
    `Take the dash out between cradle and songs...

    Hmm, this poem was confusing.. lol. But, yes.. it does only matter if you understand what you are writing. Maybe give us a little description at the bottom as to what this really is about? Secondly, word choice is fabulous :] That's what really stuck out to me the most in the poem so well done there. 5/5.

  • 9 years ago

    by NyellMoonlight

    First off, the title is really eye-catching. Kudos for that.

    - Innocent feet fumble along piled gravel,
    wincing at the roughness of a lonely earth--
    outweighing the beauty of this child.-
    ^^^
    All in all, this is nicely written, but I personally missed some more powerful expression to represent the poem itself, since this is the first stanza that should pull the reader deeply into the poem. I like it, but it didn't really catch my attention. I don't want to offend you, this is just my opinion.

    - Nevermore begins to strap itself with love,
    tightly winding through these gravel paths--
    bedeviled by the Big Foot's spoor.-
    ^^^
    Very unique and creative, I love the way you wrote this stanza, it is great continuation of the beginning and together with the first stanza it seems more powerful and compact. I don't like the repetition of the word "Gravel' here, but other than that it's greatly worded.

    - Extortion of a plastered heart, grabbing
    with wobbler syndrome patent.
    Invited were the soft cradle-songs--
    tumbrels hidden in disguise.-
    ^^^
    Again, so creative. I like the within this stanza, they can be deciphered in so many ways. This part is utterly amazing. Your choice of words is powerful and whole stanza is truly effective.

    - Have a guillotine--
    or two.-
    ^^^
    Mind-blowing. It impressive- you said so much within just two short lines.

    - under jurisdiction rule:
    to love is to slaughter logic so--
    unto this martyr, my lips give dignity;
    send forward thy execution-
    ^^^
    This is my favorite stanza from the poem, every line is remarkable and absolutely flawless, excellently written. Those four lines left me speechless. I' haven't read piece as original as this one for a while.

    - for you...
    skies cease to breathe
    --rescue for dear clumsy toes,
    as gravity stops falling.-
    ^^^
    Majestic ending that simply left me in awe.

    Overall, my conclusion is that the poem gets better and better with every stanza, and the whole atmosphere culminates with the guillotine part. This is different from the poems that I've read from you, but it's so refreshing. I think that you did great job.
    Well deserved 5/5 from me.

  • 8 years ago

    by Blissful

    I love poems that make me think with the meaning not apparent on the surface! Your title was flawless and quite a tool to capture my attention and have me curious to read more. Your word choice here was just amazing and the atmosphere you created was a pleasant one. There was power, depth and meaning thoughout this piece and it showed that you took a lot of time to craft such a masterpiece, and it showed! :] Very thought provoking and could be decoded in many ways which made it an interesting piece for anyone.

    "Innocent feet fumble along piled gravel,
    wincing at the roughness of a lonely earth--
    outweighing the beauty of this child."
    ^Very powerful and eye catching beginning stanza. The imagery here was flawless and your word choice was effective in expressing what you desired.

    Well done and thank you for sharing. :]
    *5/5*

  • 8 years ago

    by ether

    Holy not-good-word-here.

    This is wonderful.

    I'm a big fan of free verse type poetry when it's done well, and this, this is amazing.

    The main idea I get from this is torment.

    Because you talk about death, conviction, Big Foot, gravel. All can be seen as a form of punishment (walking on gravel is definatly punishment, hah).

    The last two stanza's are outstanding. So well written, just, perfect. I'm the biggest phrase/metaphor fangirl.

    I can't even think of what else to say. The flow is pefect, stops and starts at all the right times. Your vocabulary could not be any better, matching the poem. You must be one smart cookie.

    Outstanding poem you have right here, 5/5.

    jess ~

  • 8 years ago

    by ether

    Ps.
    Aw it won't let me nominate it. But I added it to my favourites.

  • 6 years ago

    by JaM

    Rather than depicting your poem to the slightest detail, I shall say that it was very pleasant and understood. Your creativity of expression is intriguing. Thanks for sharing!!

  • 5 years ago

    by Shades of Gray

    This is an acrostic poem, am I right? At least, it appears to be except for the last verse.