That was really beautiful. The emotions were so strong and it had a really nice flow, 5/5.

-mandy :)

The effects of waves of water or the effects of everyday living? Either one will apply. Great job!

Hopeless Romantic,

I like this poem. I like the rhyming and the separated stanzas. I do however believe that it could be structured slightly differently to offer the piece and the readers mind more drama.

pm me if you like!

Well done

Michael

I really like the writting style on this one .. I've never seen anything like that before . Fantastic rhymes for whats supposed to , and the imagery is great too . Goooood job :)

I love how this peome is written.

if i am right its like you wer on land and taken out to sea pulled away from everything by something..

but thats what i think. god write 5/5

"Callously,
And spellbound."

Sometimes the most awful things can leave one in awe. I liked this. Short, accurate - almost determined. That probably makes no sense, forgive me. The structure of the poem carried your words well; you built a very clear persona of the water, as well as your hopeless yet eventful journey through it. My two concerns in terms of rhythm were:
a) "And my lungs hardly able to bear" - the flow was a little 'off' - you could potentially replace the 'hardly able' with 'unable'.
b) "And I drown" - I'm not convinced you need an 'and' here. There is already so much linking of ideas and continuity throughout the poem, perhaps this ultimate statement should stand alone in the limelight?
Nonetheless, I fine piece. Well done.

I don't know what it is about drowning that makes it seem like the saddest way to die. suffocation and not being able to breathe has to be a painful way to die. what would make you feel THAT bad?

~Ben

Good poem I gave it a 5/5... you honestly can view this in diffrent ways. Just like a lot of peoms you view it how you think you read it. This could be able life, love, just drowning, or whatever and I still love the poem. Keep up the good work and keep on writing

Shortyliz
May 15,2009

Such a powerful piece. I could just imagine it happening. And it can be viewed in so many perspectives. 5/5, Em xx

OOOoo this would have to be one of my favorite poems from your collection :):) nice work .

Nice poem elizabeth... eventhough it was short the idea and the lesson you want us to get is there... iloveit...

Hi Liz,

I love the way this poem was written. I love poems that I can relate to and that draw me in. This is one of them

Beautiful

5/5

x