Comments : Paradise (new Version)

  • 9 years ago

    by X Harlea X

    Wow.amazing. this was another descripitive piece from you Shadowe. I like this one a lot more than the others that i have read. This one had emotions and everything in it, and it rhymed greatly.
    ((5)) Harlea

  • 9 years ago

    by Teria

    "They gave me a green uniform and Tan boots for my feet
    Eighteen and wild as hell, I thought it would be neat"
    [They gave me a green uniform, tan boots for my feet
    Eighteen and wild as hell ... I thought it would be neat]
    - ellipsis work well here, I think. You had 'and' two times in two rows and it through me off. So, I do suggest changing one or the other and replacing with a comma.

    This poem made me bawl my eyes out, so they say. I feel for our troops and my heart goes out to them. I know a lot of the time they don't realize what they're getting into. Even though I support them for their decision and I'd do almost anything for any of them. I still think that it's not right. There's good men fighting for a lot of selfish people.

    It's good though. That when you get home and see your family you know what you have. Unlike many ignorant people in this world.

  • 9 years ago

    by Iris

    0.0 this poem is so sad but really good!!
    so sad that many dont make it T T *sniff*