Comments : I'm not kidding a fool, but only a believer

  • 15 years ago

    by ECILA ice

    Nice poem but i think it lacks of emotions (i think you can put more emotion on it to attract the reader's eyes) but the flow of story is nice.. keep it up

  • 15 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Excellent work, I loved what you were saying, and you really touched me with this piece. I loved your rhyming scheme and the style of your writing. A really enjoyable piece to read, that was straight from your heart. 5/5 from me, take care...

  • 15 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    What a interesting piece, I adored the flawless flow in this piece, and how enjoyable of a read it was.. the flow was very smooth, and the story was short and well written. I liked in fact that it was more of like a story and not like a poem. Originality is what I always see in your pieces, and youve impressed me with it yet again.

    Well done.
    5/5.

  • 15 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    "Lost love? Please, that's not what this is about.
    I'm searching for true love, not dreading my past."

    ^^ I adore these opening lines, I find them original because of the fact straight away you show you're moving on from the past, you haven't let it defeat you in anway and you're still searching, which to me shows courage, and pulls me into the poem.

    "My mother, she watches me daily - oh boy.
    How I dread her eyes following me, as if I'm a toy.

    I'm looking around to see what I see,
    but what I'm blinded by, I know it can't be"

    ^^ I found the first two lines here to be a little weaker than the start which put me of a little but on the following two lines I found it to become stronger again, the other thing I wasn't sure of was that in the opening lines there is no rhyme while there is here and it messed the flow up for me a little.

    "The kid that I knew back in my day,
    ten years old in that pool, not knowing what to say.

    He was there through everything,
    until we moved too far away."

    ^^ I really liked these lines because of the emotion and depth you managed to portray throughout them.

    "At an age like that, contact is rare.
    Seeing him again, I can't help but stare

    His hair has grown, he's even got some facial.
    But this line between us, seems a bit spatial."

    ^^ I love this, because it always hurts when people grow apart and you're not quite sure why, and still hoping for things to be rectified and you show that well heree.

    "I beg you oh Lord, please let him know me ..
    That smile, oh that smile, I can tell that he does

    And, that's the story that ended my search,
    but a few years later we married in a classical church"

    ^^One of my favourite parts of the piece. The emotion, depth and feeling, beautiful imagery and beautiful flow..just perfect.

    "You know who I'm kidding though? Don't you dear reader -
    I'm not kidding a fool, but only a believer"

    ^^Favourite part. These closing lines are just..wow. Hard hitting, emotional, bittersweet...you manage to pack it all in in so few words and I had to read this part quite a few times I loved it so much. Beautiful way to wrap this piece up.

    The only thing I wasn't overly keen on in this piece was the rhyme scheme as it seemed to switch around quite a bit.

    That being said, I really like this.

  • 15 years ago

    by Beautiful Chaos

    You had me with your opening lines but lost me when you got into the rhyming, somewhat. Your flow could have been better, as could some of your word choices. It seems a little disconnected to me. 4/5