I am in total awe of your clever mind!
This story was so unique and than discovering in the end it was a girl seeing her own reflection...my, my you are a master of tales indeed. Hats off, my dear friend!
I adored this story, I truly did:)
Nice little bit of prose! The story is rich and descriptive and very clever little surprise in the first word of each verse forms a sentence.
"Reflection of the past keeps a mind and soul healthy. Being able to retrieve such positive images, such timeless, priceless moments from our memories, enable us to smile, even laugh when the world appears to be a desolate dark shadow. Depression can knock, but it cannot enter a mind generously draped with such rich, vibrant tapestries."
^ Beautiful outlook.....gives one pause to reflect on the moments we let slip by day to day....within the smallest of images, the subtlest of movement....timeless memories are made....
This is such a wonderful piece.
9 years ago
by The Prince
When you won my contest, I commented three other of your poems because this one wasn't up yet. But it was clear why it won, because of the sheer originality and imagery that seeped from this poem. This should be worthy to win the weekly contest because it's intriguing and a different read compared with a lot of the samey poems that often get nominated. I'm sorry that I don't have the time to fully comment on my inner thoughts but you need to know that if you keep writing like this, revising them, rewriting, you'll be a poetic legend in absolutely no time.
I haven't seen a line like this
'It was like we were conjoined, always fated to be as one and for the briefest of moments our lips touched and world and I shuddered. '
In a while that's moved me so much. People are put off by the prose like look of this, but if everyone gives it a chance then they're in for a treat. I absolutely loved it.
Title: Oh, infatuation. :] I'm interested to see what you can come up with here.
"The morning sun was bright and the air possessed an icy bite"
`I loved this.. it was so unique.. the "possessed an icy bite" part, almost makes me shiver, because I can imagine a winter day and how chilly it can be almost the temperature of an ice cube or something. I love how you talk in this stanza, its something so unique.. like I can actually hear you saying it.
"Innocent and aimlessly I meandered along,"
`I must stop and applaud you for using such a word that is rarely used.. meandered, I love that word and it's nice to see someone actually used it. I love your word choice is flawless Darcy!
"Suddenly my breath was taken and my heart pounded hard and fast."
`Oh, I love it! Youre walking along so slowly and all of a sudden some girl takes your breath away.. she must be beautiful. :]
`Another comment, I must say your imagery is amazing not only can I picture this so vividly through your words but I can also picture myself in the position as well, it is penned so perfectly.
"her shimmering splendour radiating a beauty, both surreal and blinding"
`"Shimmering splendour" - Great alliteration, so beautiful!
`Secondly, your words here are amazing and so descriptive, very impressive!
" felt paralysed, for I had never in all of my life beheld such a heavenly sight."
`*Mouth hangs open* Did you just say paralysed? I love this word! Wow, it holds so much meaning. You are almost like a statue, and you cant move because you are mesmorized by this girls beauty.. awwwh.
"Child like infatuation of another possessed me and so I had to meet this vision."
`I love how you said "Child like infatuation" because really when you think of infatuation it's some little thing that young girls and boys deal with is infatuation.. they are infatuated, and not in love.
"Her cherubic face was flawless, surrounded by a hood of vibrant pink, edged with the softest fur. "
`This was just amazing.. I can picture this girl so so so so vividly, your description was amazing.. the words were perfect.
"Cherished was this moment and I intended to capture it for all eternity."
`Perfectly written, indeed. A moment so special is one that youll always remember for the rest of your life.. and this one couldnt have been anything different, it would be engraved in your mind forever.. a lasting memory.
"briefest of moments our lips touched and world and I shuddered."
`I loved the originality behind "and the world and I shuddered." The world and you basically stopped as you experienced this moment deeply.
"Her wispy blonde hair gently danced in the chilling breeze as we walked side by side. "
`Oh, isnt this beautiful. So descriptive, your words painted the clearest image in my mind yet again. Loved the hair dancing in the breeze part, very well done. I can imagine two people walking side by side so close.
"Own this memory; keep this moment safe, for they are rare, like a shooting star, or a child's first words, first steps"
`The similies used here are amazing. The shooting star one isnt as unique, but the childs first words, first steps was outstanding.
"would remain a heartbeat on feathered wings always. "
`Amazingly written, wow I'm just in awe of what this stanza said. It was so powerful and oh so true.. definatly the truth to say the least.. youve really hit the major points within this stanza..
I love how the first word of each stanza spelled something out [a sentence].. so fitting and so amazing.. you have sooo much talent to write this poem and have a neat little unique thing that makes the piece even better.
What inspired this piece, just a 30-second moment you witnessed, so unique and interesting how your mind works and how you turned it into a poem about infatuation.
Wonderful. I'm just in awe.
If I have a vote, I'm nominating this.