Comments : Perfectly in Love

  • 8 years ago

    by Italian Stallion

    The emotion that lies within is so heartfelt. The imagery is fantastic, I can just picture all of this as I'm sure many others will too, since many can relate. The flow was flawless in my opinion, as well as the structure. The overall poem as a whole was outstanding, excellent write!!!

    ``````````
    Our secret summer of romance and bliss,
    All began with a passionate first kiss.
    Warmth we felt as we kept each other close,
    Times we spent alone is what I missed most.

    ^^Loved the first stanza, really drew me right into the poem. Your choice of words were good, not complex, just simple and plan with great rhyme, which I felt was great.

    ``````````
    Falling asleep in the comfort of your arms,
    The way you giggled at my boyish charms.
    Love sparked when we kissed in the rain,
    It locked a memory that will always remain.

    ^^I really liked the last line in this stanza, it made me want to continue reading on. A simple love connection between two people, simply fantastic the way you wrote the poem so far.

    ``````````
    A weekend at your place meant the world,
    I started to think of you as my girl.
    The battle you fought you finally won,
    You asked me out and our life had begun.

    ^^ Not too sure you need the word, "had" in the last line, I think it is just a filler word which you can do without. Overall this stanza like the rest was well written, not complex with huge words which some people think you need in poetry. Sometimes less is better, like in this poem.

    ``````````
    We stayed together when the summer had end,
    Miles apart you were still my girlfriend.
    To see each other we took long trips,
    It was worth the travel to kiss your lips.

    ^^My thoughts about the first line I'm debating. I personally think the word "end" should be "ended" since you are talking about the past, however; like you did you could also use "end" but I don't think it flows as nicely. I noticed you used it that way so that you could rhyme with "girlfriend" ...so really I am torn between your wording there...not sure how you would change that, because the meaning behind it is great and I wouldn't want to see that change.

    Overall great stanza, shows great emotion and devotion to the one you love.

    ``````````
    Now we stand together perfectly in love,
    As peaceful as a pair of turtle doves.
    Though I write to you from far away,
    I still wish you a Happy Valentine's Day

    ^^Loved the use of "turtle doves" since they symbolize love. Loved the way you ended this poem. So heartfelt and filled with emotion. Really puts a nice closing to the rest of this masterpiece.

    ``````````

    Excellent write, keep up the great work!

    Peace, Joe

  • 8 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    I would not change a thing this is well written and very romantic

    I am impressed

  • 8 years ago

    by CanUKissAwayMyPain

    Awwww... this was beauitfully writen dude. ur feeling n emotions for ur girlf where right there. i loved it!!

    Falling asleep in the comfort of your arms,
    The way you giggled at my boyish charms.
    Love sparked when we kissed in the rain,
    It locked a memory that will always remain

    this part stand out right out to me. amazing job. keep it up!!

    TaKe CaRe,
    Frenchy

  • 8 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    "Our secret summer of romance and bliss,
    All began with a passionate first kiss.
    Warmth we felt as we kept each other close,
    Times we spent alone is what I missed most."

    I adore this opening stanza, I really enjoyed the emotion and longing felt within these lines, and I liked how you mentioned it as a secret summer, it added a touch of spice to the poem.

    "Falling asleep in the comfort of your arms,
    The way you giggled at my boyish charms.
    Love sparked when we kissed in the rain,
    It locked a memory that will always remain."

    ^^ I'm finding this piece to become better and better as I go along, I really liked the imagery you created here while the flow is perfect.

    "A weekend at your place meant the world,
    I started to think of you as my girl.
    The battle you fought you finally won,
    You asked me out and our life had begun."

    ^^I found the flow to be of in the last line here, maybe remove !had"? It just flows better for me that way.

    "We stayed together when the summer had end,
    Miles apart you were still my girlfriend.
    To see each other we took long trips,
    It was worth the travel to kiss your lips."

    ^^I'm not to sure on this verse..it seems somehow weaker than the rest of the poem, which is incredibly strong throughout.

    "Now we stand together perfectly in love,
    As peaceful as a pair of turtle doves.
    Though I write to you from far away,
    I still wish you a Happy Valentine's Day."

    ^^Awwwh..I adore these closing lines, so full of emotion, so sincere and sweet, that it left me with a smile. Beautiful way to wrap up!

  • 8 years ago

    by Cindy

    Darien
    what a sweet poem of love.

    Our secret summer of romance and bliss,
    All began with a passionate first kiss.
    Warmth we felt as we kept each other close,
    Times we spent alone is what I missed most.

    Times alone with the one we love are the ones that always play back in our minds.

    Falling asleep in the comfort of your arms,
    The way you giggled at my boyish charms.
    Love sparked when we kissed in the rain,
    It locked a memory that will always remain.

    So many times when we are apart from our love we can look back on these memories and they will get us throguh the lonely times.
    Good job!
    Take Care
    Cindy

  • 8 years ago

    by End Of Eternity

    This is simply so very beautiful. Lovely poem.

    all the best and take care

  • 8 years ago

    by Birgit

    I'm having an "awwwww-moment" =] This is so beautiful ^^
    Reading it made me smile =]

    It read easily too, because it had a nice flow to it =]
    Wish you two the best (:

    xx
    5/5

  • 8 years ago

    by Faithless

    Well i like how you how you wrote this valentine's day poem for your girlfriend. The imaginary was great. You have manged to inject emotions into the poem with just simple words to show ur affections.Though distant relationships is hard, but it just makes ur love stronger for each other as the both of you have to resist the temptation and always stay tue to each other. The flow was amazing. It was certainly a delightful to read. i'm sure ur girlfriend loves and appreciate this poem that u have beautifully crafted especially for her.

    Excellent Job
    5/5

  • 8 years ago

    by austin schuchard

    This is like the best poem i have read, it explains not only your relationship but many others and it just give a good general point about love

  • 8 years ago

    by Blissful

    I loved the title! It captured my attention with its simple beauty.

    "Our secret summer of romance and bliss,"
    ^I loved the alliteration here with "secret" and "summer" It sounded so beautiful when I read it out loud...like a song. Well said.

    "Warmth we felt as we kept each other close"
    ^I think it would sound better as "warmth was felt..." It gets away from the repitition of "we"

    "We stayed together when the summer had end,"
    ^This was a bit awkward in flow for me ending it with "end" But then I guess you did that so it can rhyme with the next line with "girlfriend"

    I LOVED the ending. It was so beautiful. Sometimes love makes the distance bearable and the hope to see each other soon keeps the love going. The emotions expressed throughout this whole piece was beautiful and I could tell it came straight from your heart.

    Great use of imagery to set the scene in my mind and had me smiling all throughout the piece. It was very honest and genuine filled with the beauty behind love that sometimes gets forgotten. I'm sure your girlfriend really enjoyed this Valentines Day poem.

    Well done!
    I am glad I read it.
    *5/5* "]

  • 8 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    A very sweet and tender Valentine's poem, Darien.
    Now I know why you told me you have butterflies, he he.
    I am happy for you, my friend...love is beautiful:)

    *hugs*

    5/5 Ingrid