Comments : Alone on valentines day

  • 8 years ago

    by Hollymariee

    Those who are hurt
    And feels like dirt
    ^^ I'd change these two lines a bit :
    For those who were hurt,
    And those who were treated like dirt ..

    I don't know what it is , but you have really good messages .. Your writting is just too simple and much too forced . Use the rhymer , because it can help you find better matches for what you're trying to write . This one is okay though , 4/5

  • 8 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    This lyrical poems touches me for I spent valentines day alone

  • 8 years ago

    by isabel

    I really like this poem... It actually fits me :(
    and it has an intersting structure...
    The message is really good and I like the rhythm of it...
    Yet maybe you could change a thing or two...

    in:
    Those who are hurt
    And feels like dirt

    It would actually be "feel", because you are still writing about "those"
    I might also agree with Hollymariee:
    "And were treated like dirt"
    And you could also write:
    "They feel like dirt"

    The last sentence seems also a bit too long and i don't seem to get it... You mean, it will happen fast, or ... ?

    Your writing is simple yet it fits the idea of the poem itself... You mean it like a message, i think...

    *keep it up*
    isabel

  • 8 years ago

    by LiveLoveLearnDie

    I liked this poem as it gives facts to those who were alone and allows many different emotions out at one time. However, I felt that in some parts the rhyming was forced.

    "Cause it feels like no one is on your team"
    I feel this line should be changed to having Feel instead of feels so it makes sense and also because you are still writting about the previous sentence where you mentioned "those".

    Good job though. :)

    Natalia

  • 8 years ago

    by D Jon Versatino

    Yea, I love this!

  • 8 years ago

    by BraidhairCutie

    Very nicely put!...I like it.