Comments : Believe (Etheree)

  • 8 years ago

    by HOLLY ARMER

    Very insightful and just wonderfully written, Lu!
    The only critique I have is that the last line is actually 11 syllables.
    Other than that this piece is a little slice of profound brilliance!
    Keep it up, Holly

  • 8 years ago

    by Knee

    Ohh my sweetest Luuu !!
    I've never really been in love with an Etheree this much :)

    "death need not be feared but understood
    Heaven awaits those who learn, love, obey"

    Greatly penned lines, very wise words in such a short-lined piece.
    Amazing work hunnie !
    Write on
    Looove you

  • 8 years ago

    by The Prince

    A profound piece obviously delivered from the heart as it seems quite...close. As a reader we're not let in much into what's being said. Some of the poem is a little cliche but it's a bit hit and miss, I didn't actually mind it. It wasn't boring and I did enjoy it, particularly these lines:

    'death need not be feared but understood
    Heaven awaits those who learn, love, obey'

    I didn't like how you said 'our Lord' as if you were including the reader, when the reader may have alternate beliefs and not be able to realise what you're saying - unless of course you were writing for yourself, in which case 'our' could be replaced. It was just a bit...preachy, that's all.
    Still admired the write and I haven't had chance to look at much from you, but I think I will check up on a regular basis on your poems.
    Keep writing!

  • 8 years ago

    by Aureus Argentum

    Awe, Luanne, that is SO beautiful and so true!! :) You did an astounding job, Luanne. I don't see any adjustments, but you're good like that. :) 5/5

    Bri~

  • 8 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    "Birth
    first breath
    journey walked"
    `I like the beginning, youve started the poem out at the beginning of someones life, their birth.

    "along forked paths
    only we can choose
    which road will carry us"
    `Your words spoke so much truth, you are so right about how there are different paths for each individual to go down but we are the one who chooses which one we will go down in our life.

    "through temptation and darkness
    our Lord shall guide those who believe"
    `You are absolutely right here again, our lord will guide us through the darkness to the correct place, in the right direction.

    "death need not be feared but understood
    Heaven awaits those who learn, love, obey"
    `I love how this poem was set up, you wrote it from birth to death.. really interesting.

    Well done on this poem, Ive been wanting to read it for a long time..and am happy I finally was able to!

    Your words spoke the absolute truth!

    5/5. Temps [beyond a poets mind]

  • 8 years ago

    by Melpomene

    Luanne,

    I've told you before how much I adore ethree's and this one didn't disapoint me what so ever. I loved how you combined a poem that has alot of inspirational truths and wisdom into a style such as this one.

    "along forked paths"

    You know when I read the line above, to me it reminded me of Robert Frosts poem "A road not taken" simply because you talk about divided passages you can travel within life and I liked that meaning. It is an effective one. Although as I read on I realized that the topic you are writing about is much more wider. You expand by making it somewhat of a religous piece by mentioning heaven because if you have a belief of heaven you obviously have a belief of religon.

    I loved the fact you mentioned temptation, we in life are always tempted by certain things that try and drag us in the wrong direction, this piece to me could also symbolise Heaven and Hell. Two seperate paths altough we must choose to travel one. Good or bad. I liked the the use of juxtaposition, very clever.

    The syllable count seems to be spot on to me and I must mention I liked your choice in words. Simple yet so effective. They really grasped my attention as they held such wisdom and beauty.

    "death need not be feared but understood"

    By far my favorite line as I actually thing that myself. So many people fear death, and it is common, but it shouldn't be. As something beautiful awaits you in the future.

    I loved this ethree very much Lu.
    Well done.
    -Mel

  • 8 years ago

    by Timothy r

    I am a big fan of form poetry and you pulled this off without a hitch, I also am a fan of the Big Guy in the sky, this was a very thoughtful poem indeed. Timothy r

  • 8 years ago

    by Nonz

    "Heaven awaits those who learn, love, obey"
    This just sums it all up.
    I really admire how you chose this poem in particular to be in an etheree; for some reason I thought that it was just appropriate and relevant. I felt that birth is so insignificant in comparison to the "journey walked" and most importantly what is expected of us and where we end up eventually.
    Such insight.

    Thanks for a great read. <3