Comments : Too Close

  • 9 years ago

    by Sweet Aroma

    I loved this. short but sweet. this is exactly what ive been goin thru the past 2 months (long time, i know) glad you're back writing, keep it up

  • 9 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    Hey, hey!

    It has been soooo long Cara!

    You did well on wording this fear of becoming intimate and indeed it is scary, but so worth the risk;)

    Good job, girlie, so nice to read you again!

    *hugs*

    5/5 Ingrid

  • 9 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "Irresponsible longing leaves me curious
    to taste the scent that you reek of,
    to entangle my soul with yours and to
    listen and hear if our heart beats correspond."

    First line: Loved the wording here and the emotions were so real, you have me interested to read on.

    Second line: "reek" did not seem to be the right word in my view, maybe use a synonym? It just sounds so harsh.

    Third and fourth line: Very expressive, wonderful job so far.

    "My all too eager hands wish to mingle with yours,
    only to see if they fit together like I imagined."

    I loved this part right here, it was so cute and your thoughts are vivid to the reader in just these two lines.

    "My imaginings take me far but you take me further."

    A powerful line, not plain in the least bit.

    "Before there was space in my head for everyone,
    Now you take up all the room, how dare you?
    Scared to let you in; you're too close already
    But could it be worth the risk?"

    I like the hesitation here, you excuse him then think over it again.

    "My smile deserves to be with the reason for its existence,
    therefore it would be unjust for me to refrain now."

    Good ending, it left the reader satisfied at what they read.

    Keep writing, always and forever..

    5/5 from me, a pleasure to read.

    ~MaryAnne

  • 9 years ago

    by Faithless

    Wow cara what a comeback poem from you. I love how you express the desire of your soul to be entangled with the other soul.

    Before there was space in my head for everyone,
    Now you take up all the room, how dare you?
    Scared to let you in; you're too close already
    But could it be worth the risk?
    ^^^This stanza just stood out for me. I mean, I love how you question him invading the space of your mind without your permission.

    This poem has passion written all over it.Definitely a poem that's worthy of reading.

    Excellent Work

  • 9 years ago

    by groovydude

    Sounds like love is entangled in your heart. I like how you stand while confused, its tough. well done

  • 8 years ago

    by DoRk

    Hey wtever works for u to get ur feelings out helps
    Jus rewrite it again
    Good poem tho
    5/5

  • 8 years ago

    by Lesbian Natalie

    5/5...ha ha...was the sex good??? LOL...I got poems too if you want to commet or rate them...

  • 8 years ago

    by mostafa

    Just beautiful :)

  • 7 years ago

    by Matthew Schut

    Great poem! :) Nice work! I love how you said...scared to let you in; you're too close already! :) Smile!