I wanted to comment, because we are in the same club. And you said you wanted someone to read your poem, but they didn't have to comment.
But I hate reading and not commenting, so I am going to comment and rate it too.
â€œA thickened forest to block the view
Shuttered windows let no light through.
Dusty halls and battered frames,
Pictures hung with out any names.â€
Great start. I love the picture it creates in my head, and the rhyming it flows. It also matches the poem, itâ€™s not the awkward kind of rhyming. (I hope you know what I mean, because itâ€™s sorta weird that I just keep rambling.)
â€œRays of light where walls are cracked
And empty mansion, cold and black.
Overgrown with weeds and brush
Unearthly silence where thoughts are hushed.â€
Nice stanza, but I think you meant to say an empty mansion instead of And empty mansion.
â€œDirty floors and broken glass
Memories present and memories past.
A secret solace where spirits may hide
So full are the rooms, yet unseen by the eyes.â€
Interesting. (There are not other words in my head that can describe this stanza. Itâ€™s a good loss for words, not a bad one, just in case you are wondering.)
â€œPianissimo playing so soft,
The tune of the dying, unable to talk.
A gentle weeping down long corridors.
And echoing footsteps on hard marble floors.â€
I get this spooky feeling when I read this part. (Maybe you meant to do that?)
â€œInsects crawling over dusty glass shards.
Leaves from the season tracked in from the yard.
Incredible mansion left to rot in thick rust.
A place so alone, left behind without much.â€
I really like the way you write, your words flow together so nicely and it makes me want to read more that you are writing. You are an AMAZING writer, keep up the EXCELLENT work. (:
Aha! Ha ha! (thats not me laughing, thats me going "Oh Wow" In my vocally retarded tone.)
Talk about imagery.
I had to stop after every stanza 'cause I found myself breathing deep as my imagination took over. and sent that old familiar feeling throughout my body , in ripples. you know.
This one speaks slowly to me. of struggles and solemnity and whispers and mystery.
Twas absolutely enchanting, this one.
and i think the most beautiful part was the fact that it was so poignantly written , so to me. that just elevates the magic of this one too a whole new level.
An Awe-inspiring Job.
(I have never said this before and not meant it.)
So, So good to read you again.
Glad to know you're still writing. Wonderful.