This poem seems tense and has some depth of truth in the perception of reality (if that makes sense) ! i like it, it's original !

Have you ever considered or tried turning your writing into song lyrics?

This for me could be transformed into quite the song.

Yet as a poem, it's actually very good and different. I like the depth and use of words, with phrases striking out and adding contrast to the piece. Overall I find it interested and will look out for more of your work in the future.

All the very best.