I thought that this was pretty well done and heartfelt, I just couldn't understand the form or the rhyme scheme? It was kind of like a free flowing poem, but then some stanzas had rhymes and others didn't.... kindo f threw me off. Thats probably the only thing I would consider changing just because it's very noticable to a reader who actually reads the poem haha I loved the fact that it was kind of like a short story. It had a lot of detail and emotion throughout the piece, but never lost the poetic feel. I enjoyed the fact that she had to go down her own path and live her life based on the things she learned from love.
"She is knowingly entering a world only to be lost once again."
I loved that line because it's so true. No matter what we do or what path we choose we'll all end up in the same place at the end.
^^ Karl took the words outta my mouth. This was was brilliant! However I was thrown off a few times too on the rhyme scheme.
But honestly, I loved it from beginning to end. I mostly loved the creativity in this. The fact that the title was one simple word "lost" and the poem incorporated that in so many ways.. I just loved this write and I'll definintely be reading more!
I love an original rhyme scheme and felt the rhyme was a bonus that did not interfere with the flow and message of this great poem
8 years ago
If you had not mentioned the rhyming scheme - i too would have been lost! haha Clever how you did that though!
Honestly, these two lines kind of made me a little iffy
"It was at this time, on this path, when He found her.
He picked up her shattered pieces and glued them together"
-theres just something about it, it doesnt feel like it belongs there, but again, maybe you intentionally wrote it that way!
But other than that, i loved the rest of the piece.
"They walked down a path together, hand-in-hand
Advancing on, love obeying them at their command.
Leaving memories along with footprints in the sand.
There was no obstacle together, they could not withstand"
- this was a very cute stanza :D