Comments : Lost

  • 8 years ago

    by Karl Wild GG23

    I thought that this was pretty well done and heartfelt, I just couldn't understand the form or the rhyme scheme? It was kind of like a free flowing poem, but then some stanzas had rhymes and others didn't.... kindo f threw me off. Thats probably the only thing I would consider changing just because it's very noticable to a reader who actually reads the poem haha I loved the fact that it was kind of like a short story. It had a lot of detail and emotion throughout the piece, but never lost the poetic feel. I enjoyed the fact that she had to go down her own path and live her life based on the things she learned from love.

    "She is knowingly entering a world only to be lost once again."

    I loved that line because it's so true. No matter what we do or what path we choose we'll all end up in the same place at the end.

    Fantastic 5/5

  • 8 years ago

    by Chelsey

    ^^ Karl took the words outta my mouth. This was was brilliant! However I was thrown off a few times too on the rhyme scheme.

    But honestly, I loved it from beginning to end. I mostly loved the creativity in this. The fact that the title was one simple word "lost" and the poem incorporated that in so many ways.. I just loved this write and I'll definintely be reading more!

  • 8 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    I love an original rhyme scheme and felt the rhyme was a bonus that did not interfere with the flow and message of this great poem

  • 8 years ago

    by chind

    If you had not mentioned the rhyming scheme - i too would have been lost! haha Clever how you did that though!

    Honestly, these two lines kind of made me a little iffy

    "It was at this time, on this path, when He found her.
    He picked up her shattered pieces and glued them together"
    -theres just something about it, it doesnt feel like it belongs there, but again, maybe you intentionally wrote it that way!

    But other than that, i loved the rest of the piece.

    "They walked down a path together, hand-in-hand
    Advancing on, love obeying them at their command.
    Leaving memories along with footprints in the sand.
    There was no obstacle together, they could not withstand"
    - this was a very cute stanza :D

    well deserved 5/5 !
    clever clever

  • 8 years ago

    by BREEawNUHH

    This is beautiful. I quite liked the rhyme scheme being mixed up. Sometimes it's just confusing (in some pieces) but it works wonderfully here. Your vocabulary is simply amazing.

    The only thing I noticed that kind of might be confusing to some people is this:

    "She has found it hard to move when her ankles are in shackles.
    Lost with no escape in sight, her will to continue on crumbles."

    - The second line here.. I had to reread it a few times for me to understand it. Maybe it was just me, but I might try something like..
    "the will to continue has now crumbled."

    Maybe not. Completely up to you, obviously. :P

    In any case, I did enjoy this piece immensely. The length was perfect, your word choice was perfect, it was just great.

    Five out of five. [5/5]

    `Briana (:

  • 8 years ago

    by Timothy r

    I like this poem quite a bit, I havent been on here in forever but this poem caught my eye..very well put together.