A New Kind

by silvershoes   Dec 13, 2010


A stuffy bar with women strewn
across the stools,
and a man leaned against a wall
in a corner
watching for a sign to move.
The lights are low, the mood is dim;
the stage is set for a string of
lonesome hearts to
collide.
Through the misty fog of wine
and cheap perfume,
there's not a soul to make me
notice.
There's not a person in
the room.

A friend's voice is harsh
across a pool of rattling mirth,
scuffling chairs and blues chords
reverberating
from speakers on the walls.
Grinding against the panels of
my brain,
I try to block it out -
just enough that I can still
catch the tones and nod
accordingly.

I used to feel at home in these
rowdy messes of people, all
messed up like me,
but the age in my wisdom
and the years in my days
have made me tired of fitting in
with rebels and rules.
Tired and
jaded and
blue.
There's a new kind of sadness
that fills me up, and it's
older than the rest.
It belongs to a person who is
ready to lose.

1


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Latest Comments

  • 6 years ago

    by Matthew Schut

    Wow, nice write!

  • 7 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    Sorry I forgot to come back and comment over thiss one
    as I promised.
    Well..You already know the tragedic part about
    my tears LOL yes maybe I have problem..
    but so you don't think I exaggerate

    let me explain;

    truth hurts right?
    and most of your poems speak
    reality and truths; which hurts in a way
    and another..Something to either yearn; or
    to admit.. and this one was way REAL..
    and I TOO hooppee it wins; but after reading the
    poem after it. I no longer know which poem
    I would like to see on the front page.

    A NEw KIND

    ^^I think you always choose good titles;
    they are catchy and though tpovoking.

    A stuffy bar with women strewn
    across the stools,
    and a man leaned against a wall
    in a corner
    watching for a sign to move.

    ^^^boredom? routine? people..or
    perhaps us and how we actually Really
    do spend the days of our life.
    What a very unique poem and what
    a very "elegant" stanza to start with.
    Now you want to ask me how a stanza can be
    elegant? well I don't know; it's just elegant.Period.

    The lights are low, the mood is dim;
    the stage is set for a string of
    lonesome hearts to
    collide.

    ^^lonesome hearts to collided? found this very
    impressing; i shook my head as I passed by it..
    makes everything clear.
    Days of our lives.. And the word choice
    made the perfect mood for your message.
    Wise.

    Through the misty fog of wine
    and cheap perfume,
    there's not a soul to make me
    notice.

    ^^TALENT! yes this is talent; i admit
    I do learn from your poetry..I love
    how you added a full stop after notice- made me
    wonder notice what..And stopping for a second
    made the 2nd line just STRONGER.

    There's not a person in
    the room.

    ^^how negative? because of its TRUTH..
    CRedibilty is just everywhere
    in this piece..

    A friend's voice is harsh
    (....etc etc..)
    I try to block it out -
    just enough that I can still
    catch the tones and nod
    accordingly.

    ^^i wanted to comment over this part along with the first
    line; because it reflected a sense of boredom
    and an image of someone full of thoughts. Distracted; yet
    trying to fight that..

    I used to feel at home in these
    rowdy messes of people, all
    messed up like me,

    ^^^ I love it. very much.
    It is very REAL; that we do feel
    at home when we are around people
    who act and think just like we do.
    Sometimes they neither think nor act;
    but in that case we would be useless as well..
    and we never feel anything is wrong to be around
    them; with them; like them.

    but the age in my wisdom
    and the years in my days
    have made me tired of fitting in
    with rebels and rules.

    ^^^I love the word choice and the very
    deep wording over here; I love the expressions
    that you have used to show that when we grow up
    we do gain wisdom (if even a little) ; and in essence
    we start to learn that we can no longer be what we
    once was. That we have to be somewhere else;
    somewhere that fits our age; and experiences..
    somewhere well worth it ?

    It belongs to a person who is
    ready to lose.
    ^^the ending was very sad; but very strong.
    I did not expect it no; but I did love it..
    Perhaps losing would be for once; good.

    5/5

  • 7 years ago

    by Jad

    I really liked this poem in the contest and it should not have gotten pass me that you would have written this. Once again another simplistic piece but with a wonderful twist at the end. I love how you go through this poem describing everything and then for your last stanza you get to the downhill of it all and realize you aren't the same person anymore and you have gotten older and wiser like you have said. A sense of maturity is etched in this poem and even your lines. It seems you have been able to capture it in the making.

    "There's a new kind of sadness
    that fills me up, and it's
    older than the rest.
    It belongs to a person who is
    ready to lose. "

    This isn't the entire stanza but I thought I would make reference to this part at least as I found it to be very strong. As the end of the poem most like a strong finish and what you have done is beyond that. The lines are filled with deep meaning and emotions.

    All together I found the poem a joy to read and I am glad you did so well with this poem in the contest. I hope to see you participate in the other contest that may occur. Great job and keep writing.

  • 7 years ago

    by sibyllene

    I had a feeling this poem was yours.

    You have a really good way of evoking a very specific mood. This poem resonated with me because it's a feeling I recognize: Jaded, bored, discontent, fidgety... like you're pissed at the world and pissed at yourself for being mad and being unable to fix it. All around blue.

    I would never have noticed the "Journeyish" line if someone wouldn't have pointed it out. Even now, I had to look for it, and I don't think it wrecks the mood at all.

    "There's a new kind of sadness
    that fills me up, and it's
    older than the rest."

    I thought these, and the two following, were the most potent lines. The rest of the poem is setting the mood, building the atmosphere that leads up to this: the statement. The seed of the poem. It's a very strong way to end.

    I think this poem is representative of what I see as a more refined style of yours. Not that it was bad by any means before, but lately (or maybe I've just noticed it more) you seem to have found a way to harness a lot of that poignant rawness into something fierce and effective and true. Maybe it's growing up, who knows. All I can say is, if you can write like this NOW, I can't wait to see how you write in five years. (You'll still be here, right?)

  • 7 years ago

    by Rania Moallem

    Wow..you did it again. and again i got tears..i won't lie..i didn't read any of the contest poems,i was busy with my exams..i am on mobile,i MUST give a very deeper comment tomorrow ! but had to say Great job and truly well done