Comments : All That Blooms

  • 7 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    You have such an interesting imagination, I love it. The bit about poppy seeds too watered to bloom was brilliant, also the chewing on split ends part. The idea you've presented here was a great opening to how you said you carried a rabbit's paw around your neck. I wasn't really certain, but I knew that they symbolize something and after looking it up I discovered that they bring good luck, so it makes so much sense here as perhaps maybe this will help make everything bloom and be much brighter. Just a suggestion, but I'd change round to around, I've been told this before and although it may be a habit for you it will help make the poem stronger. Same thing with 'cross - I'd change it to across. I just really adored the images created and the metaphors here. There were several of them but they made much sense with what you were trying to portray. The ending was brilliant, very powerful and leaves you in awe. An excellent write, you have one of the most unique imaginations I know of.

  • 6 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    I think, the 3 weeks or so I was away
    I was searching for a poem on here and I stumbled across this one instead.. told myself I'd get back around and comment on it when I was back, but then I think I forgot.

    anywhoo,I'm kinda ashamed I didn't notice this, or overlooked it.
    this write is certainly vulnerable, I like it when you write about yourself. well,I'm guessing this is about yourself anyways.

    most times when writing about yourself its about some goddess, not that your cocky..wth, I mean as in you cover it up and find some mythology creature that appeals to the situation.. but this time you didn't.

    I guess this write speaks more of someone maturing more than anything else.. even a longing to be innocent again I'd say. the first stanza and the last one were my favorite since they kind of have the same wording, but mean different things.

    lemme see..

    All that I was
    is tangled within my hair,
    poppy seeds too watered to bloom
    chewed my split ends
    and pressured brown locks
    to the shape of a pigs tail.

    ^
    whatever poppy seeds are tho, but okay
    brown locks? (gold locks ;)
    how do you even...jeez, I'd pay to get inside your mind for at least a minute, seriously..on a scale of one to Mel how artistic can you be?..."oh, no its nothing..you know,I'm just here thinking about how seeds are going to chew my the ends of my hair" like seriously!?

    I don't really know what to get from here,
    pigtails make me think of little girls,
    and you're speaking about all that you were, so I guess, pig tails, was, something that is too watered to bloom,
    I'm guessing something was keeping you innocent, keeping you little... I'm confused but anyways... moving along

    and I carried a rabbits paw
    'round my neck, with a troll
    slumbered in my purse
    whose blue hair would sit
    neater than mine -

    ^
    hmm rabbits, rabbits, rabbits,...ugh they do symbolize something I read it somewhere, that's why they use them in magic tricks jeez, but the "slumbered in my purse" see, when I think of slumbered... something neater than you..
    I guess you're trying to say you were careless at some point.. but again, I'm not shore (shore on purpose so it sounds like I'm brittish)

    a reminder of why magic
    would echo an empty moon
    'cross my face and
    mask me in sorrow,
    a camouflage of who I am.

    ^
    AH SEE, that's why the rabbit, damn!
    let me see, when the moon is empty, (Does this mean its not full? lol) joke..
    it means its new I guess.. so if a new moon is masking you, I'd say something is slowly changing you... but then the reminder, see.. I'm just getting from here that you don't believe in magic.. haha

    Like a clumsy duckling
    I'd dream of black swans
    tinted white -

    ^
    this was gorgeous, and my favorite of the whole thing.... to me it stands here to illustrate foolishness.. but also innocence though, the phrase itself reads so soft and vulnerable... ugh, silly duckling come here let me hug you.
    but no wait, it could be something else too, what if you were speaking about dark times turning into good times..

    I'm gonna get gray hair after this.

    my soul caressing
    the tip of a paint brush,
    painting a breeze on
    artists hands that were
    worn with broken heart lines.

    ^
    I'm not even going to say anything about this part, because its too gorgeous for words.. "broken heart lines" who even....

    All that I was
    is tangled within my hair
    and all that I am is now
    perched on my lips.

    ^
    "perched on my lips"
    does this mean you are the only one who knows what you are now, that you're as true as your words?

    I think so..I think, not sure.

    anyways woman,
    this kinda took me to the whole alice in wonderland kind of imaginary, it was kind to my mind..but mean to my braincells I'd say.. so much pondering.. bah.

    you always show me,
    that there is beauty in all the things I can't understand.

    I mean honestly, it be hypocrisy to say I truly understand this piece.

    but the images and the word choice are so precious... so precious.

    I can't help but admire it.

    *love the title!