I felt the longing and sadness held in your words deeply. It reminds me of when I lost my first love, to someone else. I love the metaphors you used to portray this vision of pain. It's crazy how moving forward can hurt more than going back sometimes.
The opinions of one kid may not mean much to you, but I really loved this. It was beautiful, I really felt as if the words were sinking into my hold skin, and I could feel the emotion written here...Well done! :)