Interesting poem. Felt really personal with all the specific places mentioned. We all tend to miss or dream of something we can't have or don't have, it's natural. Lovely write, you didn't hold back but expressed everything you felt. I think the beginning may be able to use a bit more strength and thought, I felt it didn't hold as much as the other three, but everything else was great and full of curiosity which emphasizes you feeling 'jumbled'. Nicely done overall
I agree with everything Temps said but I will say some of it over again and add a few things! :P Nana, this was a really personal write and I could feel the emotions coming off this piece. Your apparent love for this person is easy to see and also the sorrow of not being able to be with him in the end. It is natural to have these feelings but they are not easy to deal with especially when they mean soo much to us. Your poem was really good though. You had a strong structure and the flow was really good and it never broke anywhere in the poem. Also you were good with presenting imagery in this piece. Gave places that one can see and also described some things.
"Perhaps Britain by maps,
the lone plans we ever carved.
Britain by roads? those not taken.
Or Britain's best promises,
the finest to be broken.
What about the love in
on the Suffolk coast ?
I thought of Cambridge too,
do you believe?
Or Britain by madness,
the only sense we both ever
This was my favorite stanza as it holds the most description and also gives a lot of emotions for the reader to try and grasp. You were very open in this poem and this part portrays your longing to be with this person and also the things you would have liked to do with them. A very sad poem that only serves as a haunting memory or a release of emotions.
All in all, I am glad to see you are getting out your feelings about the past and perhaps even moving on? Your words are sincere and come from the heart. I am glad to see you are true to yourself and don't write things that aren't true. Your talent always amazes me and I hope you never stop writing. Great job and keep writing.
A nice poem about Britain, or so I thought! This poem is so emotional and filled with raw mixed feelings. I loved how you described Britain, but how you were referring to memories with someone special. I liked how you repeated "Britain" throughout the poem, it kind of appeared patriotic to me!
I love this line:
"Or Britain by madness,
the only sense we both ever
-- it's just so intriguing! and I like how the madness is the only way they both match!
Great job sweetie!
2 years ago
Im not very techincal....but i really like this poem, especially the tempo, so much emotion and openess about it that it literally pushes you to read more.