Comments : Ever Since You've Gone

  • 6 years ago

    by Lady Nik

    Ever since you've gone

    *I didn't like how you worded this. For some reason I want to replace "gone" with "left" sounds better to me*

    I've tried to hide the hurt
    Putting on a smile

    *here I'd say "by putting on a smile" that way you have a sentence and not a random line.*

    But inside it doesn't work

    *I think a lot of us can relate to that. Trying to hide what's hurting so much inside. *

    I can't escape the truth
    The reality I've come to know
    Within I am breaking

    *I'd chance "within" to "deep inside"*
    The hard exterior is just a show

    *Love that last line*

    I've created a shell around me
    A wall, a defense

    *here I'd say "a wall of defense" sounds weird the way you have it now.*

    I lie about how I am feeling
    I keep up an act
    It's second nature now
    But I'm just stabbing myself in the back

    *Really liked this stanza.*

    I should face the pain
    Deal with how I really feel
    Get on with life and
    Allow myself time to heal

    But I am scared
    Scared to really feel the pain
    Call it a denial but
    I'm putting on an act again

    *This was a good poem. The emotional content was really strong and heartbreaking. Thanks for sharing. -Nik*

  • 6 years ago

    by Milo

    Great poem, heartbreaking really.

  • 6 years ago

    by LoreNz0

    Very nice work, i know the feelings mentioned here and uv captured and conveyed them well. the flow and rhyming was good too. 5*

  • 6 years ago

    by L

    I liked your poem. But I also agree with Lady ink's comment.

    Except on the part of the wall of defense… i think it sound better if wall is change to facade.
    A facade for defense. I made the few changes and I took the liberty of writing your whole poem including Lady Nik's tips.

    I really liked the last 2 stanzas. <3

    Ever since you left
    I've tried to hide the hurt
    by putting on a smile
    But inside it doesn't work

    I can't escape the truth
    The reality I've come to know
    deep inside I am breaking
    The hard exterior is just a show

    I've created a shell around me
    A facade for defense
    I am nothing but a joke full of
    False pretense

    I lie about how I am feeling
    I keep up an act
    It's second nature now
    But I'm just stabbing myself in the back

    I should face the pain
    Deal with how I really feel
    Get on with life and
    Allow myself time to heal

    But I am scared
    Scared to really feel the pain
    Call it a denial but
    I'm putting on an act again

  • 5 years ago

    by lost in love

    Feeling like you wrote it keeping my pain in mind

  • 5 years ago

    by Lithium1027

    This poem is like the theme song of my life right now. I love it!

  • 5 years ago

    by BlueJay

    My gosh this is an amazing piece. I like the way emotion is shown and how you had such a smooth flow. The style is nice and the word choice is excellent. Great job fabulous piece.

  • 5 years ago

    by CaptainTyingKnots

    Of the poems i have read of yours so far. . . I just love this one so much because a lot of people have felt this way and have a hard time expressing it but i love the words you chose and how you put them together. I can really feel your heart aching in this. I love it and it's a very strong emotional piece. Thanks for commenting and rating my poem. I look forward to reading more from you. keep writing cause you're great at it:) 5/5