Comments : Between Two Worlds

  • 6 years ago

    by Matthew Schut

    Lost between two worlds,
    hoping for us to collide.
    Captivated by mystery,
    longing for the unexpected.

    Wow, this open stanza gets us thinking right away... wow nice work! :)

    Controversial opposites,
    could that be our downfall?
    After all, Romeo and Juliet
    never lived happily in the end.

    There will always be differences but what makes a relationship is understanding the differences and being able to work together through them!

    Searching for common ground
    but the Earth continues to crack.
    It shouldn't be hard to meet halfway,
    but it seems our destined paths diverge.

    Wow, this is sad. Sometimes no matter how hard a person or relationship tries, it just isn't meant to be.

    Can we ever unite under the same moon?
    Or are we simply destined to collapse?
    Can the brightness of the magical moon
    outshine our darkest weaknesses?

    This stanza is just amazing...I loved it! :)

    Lost in a mansion, a place that should be home.
    You said what's yours is also mine - but -
    this place makes me feel alienated,
    and I lose myself in the loneliest way.

    Awwww, this is sad. If a person doesn't feel like they are "home" with someone then they will never find that home until they realize it will be somewhere else.

    Could we ever synchronize,
    and live in perfect harmony?
    What about the shapes of our puzzle,
    that seldom seem to connect?

    Nice work!! I loved this!

    Our conflicting worlds are crashing,
    struggling, yet we continue to hold on.
    Our lives are changing - no turning back -
    it's time to discover our enchanted destiny.

    A perfect ending to an AWESOME poem!! :)

    Keep up the good work! :)

  • 6 years ago

    by White Orchid

    This poem really touched on every thing that could possibly happen in a relationship, I thought your choice of words in every stanza were brilliant and loved the last stanza on how it ended the poem. Great job, once again!! :)

  • Hmmmm I loved that one. I believe actually many can relate to it from different perspectives. The perspective that I basically got has something to do with cultural and social differences between the lovers. The reason I believe so, is that these kinds of differences are so deep that they wouldn't just break a relationship, they would also have something to do with how each character in your poem here involved in this love story would actually define things like love in its crude sense, relationships, sacrifices and all these terms that might seem universal - I personally believe that they are not.

    I believe that the enchanted destiny awaiting to be discovered is most probably a painful break up ... :(( (I am sorry I am realistic like that :D) - But I really loved it.

    I have one comment however, I noticed the use of destined twice in almost like 3 or 4 lines. It sounded a bit odd I think if you worked that out it would be amazing ^_^.

    Keep'em coming sis :)

    Mohamed

  • 6 years ago

    by Jenni

    The title is really captivating and it's actually the reason I'm here because it pulled me in. I like the introductery stanza because it gives the reader an idea of the current situation, the speaker is refering to. I think your choice of words is quite nice and the questions underline the speakers doubts and fears. The ending is what I liked most though because it showed that even if things are tough it's worth fighting for it. Overall this is a well penned poem that flows well.

  • 6 years ago

    by Emon Ahmed

    Gud I like it !!!!!

  • 6 years ago

    by Chelsey

    I've told several poets on this site before, I love poems with questions! They make me think! So you know with your poem, I just happened to LOVE it!

    The part about Romeo and Juliet was awesome...it was like an "in your face" kind of statement and I love those kinds of statements..

    Love sucks when its sad and broken, I hope all will go better, but for the mean time youre making beautiful poetry out of it! :) I loved this!

  • 6 years ago

    by The Monster you Trust

    You're much better at telling a story than I am. Again the rhythm makes this a little harder for me to follow, but that's personal preference, and it certainly does not take away from the concise imagery and atmosphere of the poem. The desire seems to leak through a layer of chaos, and that's not easy to portray.

  • 5 years ago

    by v

    Wow! job well done. It reminds me of a line from one of my favorite movies: Ever After. Cinderella says "a fish may love a bird, but where would they live? " If only I could express myself as well as you.

  • 5 years ago

    by Yakori bint Muhammed

    So hypnotic, kept me reading on and on, didn't want it to stop. Two hearts treading the path of love with hurdles trying to hinder thier passionate love. Challenges turn out as discovery of thier union; whether it can be firm through the obstacles or surrender to be free of this fervent deep feeling. I related to this easily and i'm sure it is to all the readers. Written simply but awe-inpiring. Very good and more thoughts to your heart and mind. Take care ;-)