I think that this is a very well written poem because of its powerful emotions and your choice of words. I like the fact that it somehow leaves space for own interpretations, which makes it quite relateable. You're refering to the loss of something, that might still be there after all yet you feel like you don't belong to it and knowing that makes it so much harder to endure. Definately worth another read.
Deep emotions shown in this
Really beautiful write
6 years ago
by Purple Rose
Solus, this reminds so much of myself. I often have thoughts like these when I am in a depressed state - it seemed like you were in one of those when you wrote this.
It seems like you were yearning for something that you used to have, or something that was so close but you could not reach it. I don't know exactly what it was - it could have been something simple, or complex. Only you know because you don't really give the reader any clue.
I have to say that this line -
'I only sit and remember, that hollowness filling my chest.'
^ Was my favorite. I hate that feeling, don't you? It is one of the worst feelings in the world to me.
The only thing that I wish you would have done was put it into a stanza form. Yes, you did that, but I think that it would have been better if it was more separated, like a normal poem. It helps the reader understand it better. If you don't understand what I am saying, then just ignore this.
Keep writing, Solus. I noticed that this was written about nine months ago - have you lost your muse? Keep searching...
You know what I found beautiful about this poem, the way you lined the words into sentences rather than stanzas, not only did it reflect this "im venting" mood. but also it showed that you are writing to feel better, to be honest, and to let some stuff out and off your chest, that you are not organizing it into stanzas that look beautiful and in size.
In fact what you did was to reflect this personal touch you've left before we evven read..
Now talking about the content of your poem, something I relate to! reminding me of something I used to say "everything is missed when lost, and the unseen is seen when not found" ...just like wen losing something, and figuring out how much it means for us.
But something I have learned frm life, that although we may grief on things we have lost, but sometimes it was not meant to be, and most of the times, it is better for our own sake.
you are longing in this poem, wishing to go back in time, and reside there...oh sad and painful!
Especiallly that you show your inability to do anything about it, that closing line was fantastiic !!
Please, let me join, meld with that or end me now....
Again I like stuff like this. Very open to interpretation. Full of emotion and philosophy!
2 years ago
I really liked this as it has many interpretations but mine is that you are wanting to go back in time to a tine you felt some inner peace maybe still depressed because you state 'it hurt there' now I am guessing that because you were outside of something beautiful it's like you were outside your body looking in. I don't know why I think this but. When we are depressive we have those thoughts of wanting to die at our lowest points.
I like you structure here because it's like everybody else said you are in ranting mode and what came go light you wrote down who h is good, I hope you got a release from it.