Comments : Pulsating Darkness ( collab with Dreamofolwin )
5 years ago
Of the darkness = it's better sound-wise if you remove 'the'
---------- This was really incredibly written. I can see the stars shining, the aura of darkness, and most of all, the last scenery; as if it was a movie, and The END was displayed above you on earths 'pillow' as you beautifully described.
I do not know why, but I really like the title, maybe it's because I like both words as they are and together they seem to work very well too. It creates some sort of image and I have to admit, that I thought the poem would be negative, which is probably because darkness has a negative connotation, at least to me it does.
I actually agree with Abed about removing "the" in verse four because it would flow better. :)
That is the only thing I'd change too, I think you both cooperate very well together and I love the harmony that radiates from this poem. Absolutely beautiful :)
5 years ago
What a soothing seamless collab you two. Your carefully chosen words painted such beautiful imagery. I could see these two lovers as I read. Awesome :) and so well done!
As I said to Olwin, it is a sensual poem that has a tender tone to it. A read with a smooth flow and has incorporated the beauty of nature with love which makes it even more...magical perhaps..anyways enjoyed the read :)