Comments : Empty

  • 11 years ago

    by Purple Rose

    Typos: in the third stanza, first line, "glipses" I believe is supposed to be "glimpses." Also, I believe the last line of the second stanza would sound better as "Only Logic has gotten me this far" instead of "Only Logic has got me this far." However, it is your poem and I am just trying to help :)

    I don't know what to really say about your poem. It took me a few tries to understand that you were talking about yourself, about your inner feelings. I really like how you did this...

    "Peering into my mind, is a fools errand my friend
    Not even i can begin to speculate
    The feelings i have, are they true or fake?
    Not knowing what is real is a curse"

    ^ This has to be my favorite part. I like how you said that peering into your mind will basically get you nowhere and I really like how you compared your mind to a maze in the next stanza. I thought that was a pretty good comparison, because our mind can be so confusing sometimes that you have no idea what is actually going on...

    "Was i really like you once?"

    ^ Apparently you changed so much from how you were before...now you are empty? Something must have happened for you to become this way...maybe you grew up? Or maybe an event...

    Anyway, not my business :) I was just thinking that this poem expresses a lot of feelings even though its about not being able to have feelings. I can tell that you do not like being this way through the words that you use, so actually you do have a little bit more feelings than what you thought.

    Excellent expression of having no emotion
    5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by L

    "Peering into my mind, is a fools errand my friend
    Not even i can begin to speculate
    The feelings i have, are they true or fake?
    Not knowing what is real is a curse"

    - on the first line, I think it should be "it's" instead of is.
    Or if you want to use is then just delete that comma.

    Peering into my mind, it's a fools crime my friend

    Or peering into my mind is a fools crime my friend

    It is a curse to not know Wht is real or not. It shows a feeling of being lost and pain as well. Frustration also.

    "Trying to conquer the maze in my head
    Something I have learnt I will never acheive
    Cut off from others and any emotion 
    Only Logic has got me this far"

    ---- in a sense, it's good that there is logic because logic is something that many people lack that is extremely needed. (my opinion)

    "Small glipses of feelings once felt
    Come to me from time to time
    They confuse me so
    Was i really like you once?"

    --- I think you meant glimpses instead of glipsies.

    So far my idea is that once you were able to feel but something along your life made you go numb. And from time to time you feel but you are not sure what it is that you feel. You feel confused by it. That's what I am understanding so far.

    "Being like me has an advantage
    There is no pain in my existance, no heartache, no fear
    Living only to live
    Is that not the meaning of life?"

    --- this part right here is sort of not logic, and that's because you are feeling something, and that can be tell from the other two stanzas. specially the part where you said that small glimpses of feelings come from time to time. So technically, I sense some sort of sarcasm in that last question. Also, I think I know what you mean but it's a bit vague in my mind to explain it. I also got the feeling that you can feel pain because of the curse part of not been able to know Wht is real or not. I think that that's a bit painful.

    Overall, this is a good piece. 
    It just needs revision on a few misspell words and I think thats it.

  • 11 years ago

    by DeviousCharmer

    Thats how I feel. just living cuz i have to . great poem

  • Peering into my mind, is a fools errand my friend
    Not even i can begin to speculate
    The feelings i have, are they true or fake?
    Not knowing what is real is a curse

    ^^
    I love that beginning line! It really sets the course for the whole piece.
    Just watch the capitalisation of your 'i' (two instances in this verse)
    Not being able to decipher reality from surreality/non reality is certainly a curse.
    Our minds are a confusing maze even to ourselves so yes, it would be pointless for another to try to decipher what's inside.

    Trying to conquer the maze in my head
    Something I have learnt I will never acheive
    Cut off from others and any emotion
    Only Logic has got me this far

    ^^
    Typo: 'acheive' - achieve'
    I like how you have personified 'logic' - like it has a mind of its own.
    The last line should read:
    'only Logic has gotten me this far'
    Nice work linking this stanza with the first - that first line just kept the story flowing perfectly.

    Small glipses of feelings once felt
    Come to me from time to time
    They confuse me so
    Was i really like you once?

    ^^
    Typo: 'glipses' - 'glimpses'
    Again watch your capitalisation of 'i' (once here)
    I like the use of the question - seems to imply that you have changed at some point, but you don't know for sure (again the inability to decipher reality from non reality.
    Again, great linking to the storyline.
    I also like how you've brought up your emotions, like you know you've had them, but it's become difficult to understand them - perhaps something has happened to cause you to feel disconnected from yourself and reality?

    Being like me has an advantage
    There is no pain in my existance, no heartache, no fear
    Living only to live
    Is that not the meaning of life?

    ^^
    Typo: 'existance' - 'existence'
    Again the use of the question is great - you're involving the reading, making them think about what life means to them, etc.
    A great ending! You almost look at your predicament as though it's a positive, though not entirely, more like you're being stubborn about it.

    Keep writing! 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by Amreen

    Wonderful!! Your flow is good and the message came across.
    Keep penning(:

  • 11 years ago

    by CathyButterflyJC

    Wow, I really loved the depths of this poem that is put into your soul and the readers, beautiful work, so well flowed and expressed

  • 10 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    Oh. Holy crap.

    When I came to your profile, I wasn't expecting you to have written the thoughts inside my own head.

    Nit-pick: Capitalising I's and 'glipses '-glimpses?

    Now that's out of the way, I love this. You just described perfectly what it feels like to be completely cut off from the rest of the world and trapped in the most dangerous of places-your own head.

    "Living only to live
    Is that not the meaning of life? "

    I've been sitting here for at least five minutes pondering this question. And I came to the conclusion that whilst of course it is wonderful to be so cut off from others that you feel little or no pain or fear...what isn't so wonderful is that you are not allowing yourself to feel the happier emotions. Joy, laughter, smiles, love.

    Neither side of the equation can exist without the other, but I do believe that the pain we sometimes feel throughout our life span IS worth the happier times, worth the more pleasant emotion and experiences.

    Without those emotions, good or bad, you're not 'living' persay, but surviving and being denied the chance at a full life.

    And if this is how you feel and ever need someone to talk to-I'm just a PM away :)

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Really well written and I can relate to this!