this although heart breaking is beautiful at the same time, we have all had these moments, and he forgives, your heart is too pure for him not to :-)
as for the piece it's self...just pure emotion and drenched in feeling, i love how it looks in the form of the cross to , really liz i think this is the first piece of yours i've actually managed to comment on and not just stare @-@
Faith is such a strong subject for me ad i love how you poured yourself into it
as always just amazing xx
5 years ago
I have just one suggestion, Please delete that "AND" in the below sentence. When I was reading that one And woke me up from your words. If I ignored it, Your words just drew me in completely.
"For I was taken over by dark shadows
that engulfed my every being, "AND" I'm living my life filled"
Okay, other than that Liz,
God will forgive, We go through that stage sometimes where our hearts "forget"( not literal) or simply doesn't know how to approach God's voice. If you know what I mean. But He is always there and ready to speak to us when we are ready to hear his voice. I won't go on and on since there are things that I still don't understand but I love this poem, it calms me down. I also like the shape. And most importantly, I love the message that even though, you didn't know how to approach him, or lost some faith on him, you are regaining it, and asking for forgiveness. How can He deny it? I doubt it.
5 years ago
by Purple Rose
^ That 'and' does stick out a little, but not too bad in my opinion. I think the line would sound better as 'For I was taken over by dark shadows that engulfed my every being, so now I'm living a life...' However, this is yours and I am just giving my opinion.
This is a very deep poem, Liz. I have often gone through times like these, and I am still going through it. It is like my soul is restless, and it so it doesn't want to be tied down just yet.
I like how you tried to make the poem look like a cross - it is very symbolic, and right away I knew that this was a poem based on faith and religion because of it.
I really have no idea what to say about this poem. It is just so heartbreakingly beautiful, and so relatable to how I feel that its amazing. I have already read this about five times, and I am still speechless.
'I used to find solace
deep within your words
but my mind seems to
have betrayed your love,
even though I tried
so very hard not to.'
^ Oh my. Very beautiful beginning you have here. I can almost feel the guilt that you must have felt after 'figuring that out.' I put those in semi quotation marks because I don't think you did betray his love. I think God is a lot more understanding that what people let on. We are all sinners, so that is why he made it possible for us to repent - he knows that our will can be very weak.
'For I was taken over by dark shadows
that engulfed my every being, and I'm living my life filled
with loneliness and
^ Well, Liz. I have to say that I do not agree with this about you. I don't think that you are lonely, or sorrowful. To me, from being on here, you seem to be someone who takes life in stride. Sure, you have some set backs like everyone does (even I have some), but I think you are thankful for what you have. I just don't think this is actually you when I read this for some reason...it might be, but it doesn't seem like it to me. It just kind of seems at odds with your personality from what I know of you. I am not trying to offend you...that is just the way I feel.
Overall, this is a very emotional piece. I can relate to most of it. However, like I said, I don't think that some of it is you...this might not be a personal poem. It might be, and you might be having more trouble than what you are letting on, but for some reason it just doesn't fit you in my eyes. However, I can still relate to most of this...it is very close to my heart.
I am sorry that I wasn't able to comment on every part of this poem. If I did, I probably would have taken up a whole page :( There is so much to say...if you are indeed having trouble, then know that God will always love you no matter what. He is always there for you (sorry if I offended you in any way, because I know religion is a touchy subject for some).
I think we can all relate, we've all done things we aren't proud of and sometimes feel like we aren't worthy of His forgiveness and stray away from Him... but no matter what He is always there and always forgives us when we are ready.
Hey guys, I really appreciate your lovely comments on my poem.
I thought I would just say a little note in case people were wondering what this was about.
When I used to pray, I used to count my prayers at night - how many I did and if in my mind I didn't do it right, I would start over again. Right now I haven't been praying and I feel like I've been losing my faith because I don't want my prayers to be effected by my ocd like it has, so I have stopped, rather than praying for the wrong reasons.
I hope this makes a little sense.
5 years ago
by ronel mccarthy
Sincere poem from the heart..........good form.........well done ;)
5 years ago
Oh God, Liz. Now you are playing dirty! With dirty I mean that his poem is such a freaking awesome brilliant one, dipped with emotions, no, dripping with emotions. I just adore the shape of it, as a cross, that was a very smart, creative, original method from you. And this shape has just emphasized what I inferred. I just imagined that your faith is now crucified upon this cross. And you just delivered your heart out on it, saying that you lost your faith because your world is now haunted with darkness, misery and melancholy. You nailed this one, literally, with a hammer!
And I know that you are faithful, whatsoever, so just keep holding tightly onto it. Sweet things in your life are yet to come, my friend <3
Liz, this piece is powerful. Im speechless.Don't pray if you don't feel to. Talk with your God an ddont forget that divinity lies in you.Namaste.
5 years ago
Comments from judging:
Liz blew me away with this shape poem. I was lost in the sorrow of her words and the faith and hope that she had throughout the entire piece. I think a lot of believers feel this way during their relationship with God and to pen it and voice it with such vulnerability is just gorgeous. This part here:
Lord, I beg that
you do not
discard what I
threw away so
had me in absolute tears. A poem that quickly went to my favorites folder, and one I feel I will read throughout my own struggles with faith. We all get down sometimes, but turning to Him is going to open doors we can't open ourselves. This poem is beautiful.