Tonight, I'll Bend the Heavens (Rondeau)

by Aaron   Aug 2, 2012


I'll bend the heavens, just to see you for a night
I'll bend the heavens, just to to make things right
from afar, I hear your heart cry,
no longer shall I sit and sigh,
tonight, I'll bend the heavens, with all my might.

I'd sell my soul for us to reunite,
to kiss you and hold you tight,
no longer will such feelings stand idly by,
tonight, I'll bend the heavens.

Those who object, I'll happily smite,
the sky shall weep on this momentous night,
my plan shall not awry,
laws of nature and humanity, I'll defy--
just to make things right
tonight-I'll bend the heavens.

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  • I'll bend the heavens, just to see you for a night
    I'll bend the heavens, just to to make things right
    from afar, I hear your heart cry,
    no longer shall I sit and sigh,
    tonight, I'll bend the heavens, with all my might.

    ^^
    From this I get the impression that basically, you will do anything for the one you love especially if it will stop their tears.
    Great use of repetition - it didn't seem forced at all and really reinforced the message.

    I'd sell my soul for us to reunite,
    to kiss you and hold you tight,
    no longer will such feelings stand idly by,
    tonight, I'll bend the heavens.

    ^^
    Again that message of doing anything for your loved one. Good linking from stanza 1 to stanza 2 - it all flowed really smoothly.

    Those who object, I'll happily smite,
    the sky shall weep on this momentous night,
    my plan shall not awry,
    laws of nature and humanity, I'll defy--
    just to make things right
    tonight-I'll bend the heavens.

    ^^
    LOVE that first line! Enough said.
    I really like how you have personified the sky by using the words 'the sky will weep' - good work!
    That third line: I don't know if you have used a syllable count or not - but I feel like there should be a 'go' before the word 'awry'
    However, a fantastic ending!
    ___________________________________
    OVERALL;
    Incredible. I've been meaning to try a Rondeau form for myself, by as of yet, haven't got around to it. This was truly beautiful. I don't read many love poems, but this one I truly enjoyed. Great repetition, fantastic rhyme and well, amazing piece overall.

    Well penned. 5/5

  • 11 years ago

    by L

    I'm not familiar with this type of form poetry, but I did research about it.. In wikipedia - lol- but okay.

    It seems that is a french poetry form with 15 lines and it follows a rhyme scheme:

    A A B B A
    A A B with refrain: C
    A A B B A with concluding refrain C.

    It seems that your refrain is " tonight, I'll bend the heavens"

    and I didn't know what a refrain was but now I do, its a repeated line...

    However, a Rondeau has lines containing 8 syllable in each line except on the refrains which they are supposed to be half of the other lines... meaning 4 syllables..

    and "tonight, I'll bend the heavens" has 7 syllables.

    None the less, it's a well written piece and you got the rhymes so you are going on the right track.

    EDIT: I was reading a bit more into this form and it seems that there are different variations, so perhaps you used a different one than the one I mention above.?

    • 11 years ago

      by Aaron

      Yeah people keep saying that, I'll usually use the structure of a poem; if it has a syllable count I won't use it unless it's a tanka or a haiku, mostly.

      I was taught a variation of a poem style is, for the most part, still that poem so that's why I called it a rondeau... but I guess I'll put variation next time. But anyways, love your comments thanks.

  • 11 years ago

    by Khalid M Darwish

    So creative! Good piece.
    But I see that you have not followed the rules of Rondeau. That's because all the lines exceeded the limit of syllables. Each line should have 8 syllables excepts the two refrains (lines 9 and 15) which should contain only 4 syllables each.
    This aside, I enjoyed reading the story.

  • 11 years ago

    by Xionide

    "I'll bend the heavens, just to see you for a night
    I'll bend the heavens, just to to make things right
    from afar, I hear your heart cry,
    no longer shall I sit and sigh,
    tonight, I'll bend the heavens, with all my might."

    Ive been here to what this stanza is talking about, granted my other half aint away from me but there are times that she cries which if anyone who really loves someone knows can break your heart to see, especially if you know your the reason they're crying, though what matters the most is not what's been done to begin with, but you we choose to make things right again. strong opener dude.

    "
    Those who object, I'll happily smite,
    the sky shall weep on this momentous night,"

    Love those lines!

    All in all this was a different structured poem than I'm used to reading, you flowed it rather well and the message was one few people in love can relate too. thanks for sharing this. Kudos

  • 11 years ago

    by Krysten

    Those who object, I'll happily smite the sky shall weep on this momentous night

    ^^^these were by favorite lines. This poem really touched me, it was very emotional.

    I think it was beautifully written, and i loved the style of it and the repeation.