Comments : News Broadcasts

  • 5 years ago

    by Khalid

    Stellar! Stunning! I liked your way of penning as 'action' and 'reaction'
    She doesn't go home.
    He takes the unknown
    These two lines have to be rhymed
    He sits there reminiscing.
    if I'm not wrong 'He sat'
    'He's died' sound better if changed to 'He's dead'
    I loved your piece

  • Thank you for your comments. (:

    Firstly;
    'he sat' - it's possible that that's what it's meant to be - I will have to go re-read now.

    ^^ Gosh, I don't even know! haha. I keep jumping from present to past tense throughout the entire piece that I have confused myself considerably.

    Secondly;
    'he's dead' - yes this does sound better, but not only was I continuing with the rhyme but implying a cover-up of sorts by the prison personnel stating he died rather than was murdered, therefore protecting themselves from questions of failing to do there job properly etc..

    Thanks again for your comments and taking the time to read it.

  • 5 years ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    Another one of your awesome writes
    and so well penned

  • 5 years ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    This really tells the tale about the ones with no hope and nothing to strive for, Alisha. Sad to say these youths are everywhere, also in Holland.

    When you are lucky, you have parents that discipline you, that can be done,even when you have no money. My son has a friend that is poor, truly poor, but his dad made him learn the Qoran by heart, 7 pages each night throughout his childhood. This kept him off the streets and out of reach of the bad guys;)

    Well done, sweet girl, it was a pleasure to read your work:)

    *hugs*

    5/5 Ingrid