Great! I think there must be a name for your style of writing, i.e. 4 lines then an individual line between brackets. The story is full of terror and horror in such a way that it attracts you to finish 'till the end. Nice work.
This is so powerful it showed how the speaker wanted him to feel the pain she did ,
What a great dark poem :)
5 years ago
To err, is human beings we serve. Forgiveness, demands no reserve.
3 years ago
by Ben Pickard
Wow! This genuinely blew me away. Captivating completely. It built and built to the most wonderful crescendo! "He was panting like a wild donkey" - brilliant imagery of this pathetic person on his last legs, unable to control himself. 5 from me - 6 if I could!
Well Tony said what I wanted to say in that this dark piece definitely showed she wanted him to feel her pain which I find funny how us genders do that, woman want men to feel their emotional pain but want revenge in the physical because we know dang well they wont know that emotional pain without physically feeling it.
And Ben took my next statement on saying the crescendo was greatly built here, I was anticipating the whole time what was a bout to be thrown down between these two characters.
Really a tale of no mercy shown. Not even a second thought about it.