I don't know but...my feeling is this poem is hinting at suicide...not necessary your own..just trying to convey what it may feel like for someone contemplating?
There is a certain feeling of regret...as if you are looking at what may become of people left behind?
my palms were drenched again,
anxiety glistening in ev'ry pore.
I blinked away dread forming
inside my eyes, licked away
dread from pale lips, hoping
- not -
perhaps for the day I no longer
There is a struggle going on here...who will win? You leave that for the reader to interpretate for themselves...clever write!