Chris.... in your starting line... you took me away....
"When you left I heard a crow cry"
very powerful write, and line to start out with... to describe your love leaving by stating a crow cried, to me Highlights the sorrow that much more... crows crying symbolize "the end".... what a way to start this poem out... mercy this piece touches my heart...
the rhyme flow was beautiful and smooth... from a writing critique aspect, this was a well crafted rhyme piece... from an emotional point... It made me tear up... I shall hug you now! I also admire the nature tones within describing how you felt when your love left.... Oh I cant speak enough on this piece... just beautiful!
I agree with Maple, the first line was so eye catching and unique, it actually made me stop and think of a crow crying and how no one would even notice this.
As for your poem, the love story it tells tugs at the heart and I for one can relate to this and relate to the darkness that follows after the loss of a great loved one. you feel there is just no life anymore. Your words are very touching and have really settled in my heart.
Thank you Baby Rainbow! Its not easy for me to write about my lost love ya know. I have to re-experience all the sad emotions in every line, but if I can show you how I feel and make you smell, and taste what I was going through then I feel I did my job. Thank you ;)
This saddens me...because I know this is how my partner feels. I was the one who left and she was shattered, shocked and unsuspecting...but I had to leave for me...I was not happy, though I loved her so much and still do...now we are seperated by distance/miles and I regret the choice I made but know also it was the right thing for me...she is still so hurt, and I too hurt and cry. We are working on things and hopefully we will be okay...but this poem was exactly the situation and feelings both her and I are in so I thank you for your words...I wish you the best.
Sorry it took me so long to response rebecca, but I wanted to sit and write a good response to your comment, because you poured your heart out. We live and die with the tough decisions we make. You felt like you had to make that decision to leave to better yourself. The people we leave behind always hurt our heart. We never want to leave, most of the time we wish we could take them with us, especially our significant others. The pain will always be with us until we come home to our loved ones. I know that you and your partner will get better, especially if both of you want it to work. Thank you for pouring it all out for me. I'm happy by poem touched you in any kind of way. Thank you