Temps, how perfectly you painted the scene of young romance in this poem! I could imagine me at Maldives, sipping on a cocktail while watching this couple enjoying this sweet romance in their own little world.
"while wind braided hair."
How I loved this phrase which captured the very essence of nature interacting with us, which most of us so often overlook but captivates us nonetheless. It's like one of those pictures which gets reblogged constantly.
"I snuck mint kisses"
I adored this phrase as well! Mint kisses, what an enjoyable description there! Well done Temps!
Ah I love the simple title of this, it just sets such a soothing ambience here and every sweet, little thing of romance you mention is now what I'll picture with going to the ocean! I've never been to an ocean or its shore, but you make this moment seem like an everlasting lifetime.... like something that will be promised to me when I meet my beloved...I remember the "sparkling word" mint is what you like, so I adored the "I snuck mint kisses"- that's definitely memorable! Not to mention, I just noticed, this is a haiku chain, even though you wrote it at the bottom lol....awesome job, there's a whole romance here that seems permanent and like no one can take it away, it will stay aside this ocean.
5 years ago
I love the title. The ocean is a very romantic place so fall in love and be with your love. 5/5
I agree that there's surely something soothing about the oceanside, and romantic too. The images you put in here are really engulfed in a rosy atmosphere. The waves, sunset, palmtrees, etc.
You also use quite some cute words, such as "nestling". To me it reflects a certain intimacy, devoid of lust and wildness, just serene togetherness. And I must say "snuck mint kisses" really stood out to me, a little bit mischievous.
"Ripened sunset" in the last stanza is a very unique way of describing the sunset too. This poem seems to have very unique images here and there. When I think of ripening, I guess something becomes more red, so it must've been an intense sunset.
The only thing I wasn't such a fan of was the first stanza, with the "skyscrapers sprawled 'mist". Wasn't sure if that was an effective way to open the poem, it seems a very harsh image, and the word 'mist kind of confuses me. It felt a bit forced, perhaps due to the syllable count of a haiku. For some reason I didn't feel the possbility to breathe in your first stanza, I find it a little bit too packed. Maybe it was just really the harsh sounds: w's and k's or c's tend to do that.
Other than that, I did enjoy reading the poem. It's such a common place to go to, the beach, but you still made it special and personal.