Comments : Wheel Bound (collab)

  • 10 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    OMG Ladies, you tied the smoothness and raw emotion of MaryAnne's pen with the hard hitting, vivid imagey of Chelsey's pen and together formed a top quality, amazing piece of poetry that had gripped from the beginning and wanting more at the end.

    I love the whole personal feel of it, with the car and the amount of change she had, really setting the scene from the beginning. I felt that this was about escaping an abusive relationship, or not in this case, the difficult choice that these women and men in some cases, have to make, and how hard it is to actually leave, the knowing the chance is there but the actual act of leaving being more than they can take, out of fear.

    It also drew me to the recent discovery in Ohio of the women that were found after all those years, and how they finally escaped....

    I really loved the wording, as it was powerful but simple, not over complicated.

    Ladies, you two are totally amazing, and I loved this piece, and I love you both so damn much!

    xxxx

  • 10 years ago

    by Yakori bint Muhammed

    It feels really good reading this poem and I missed reading from you as well. Its so melodious it flowed like a stream even though its melancholic though not overwhelming but enough to get one feel the emotions radiating within.
    Below is my perception of the poem.

    Stanza 1:
    I can vividly visualize this scenario in a movie. I see a subject, a lady precisely who's crestfallen. She manages to escape her captor as she tries to flee from the wall of bondage that almost crippled her. It doesn't matter where she's headed to as she has no destination, leaving this crumbling city is all that matters to her now.

    Stanza 2:
    The subject feels as if she's been sniffing embers whereas she's been harboring an unrequited love. Subjected to abuse that chained her very existence making her think of the choices she made and finally realizing it has been a sham: nothing real came from him.

    Stanza 3:
    Bound to his dogmatic, manipulative and cruel ways, he'd enslaved her making her vulnerable hence slowly killing her self-esteem and sense of purpose in life.

    Stanza 4:
    Alas! Finding her inner strength to escape from his shackles knowing that's the right decision to take. Taking a look at her house he'd burnt and it reeked pure enmity. Attached to its memories like a magnetic pull, its prospects, its once upon a time striking scenery.
    Finally choosing to start afresh away from him thus regaining herself. However, moving on and letting go is the hardest thing to overcome unfortunately for her as if immune to all the pain.

    Its very unfortunate that some relationships are stringed with abuse that kills ones' dreams, will, faith and sense of purpose. Some manage to let go and rediscover themselves whilst others end up dying or having to live with mental imbalance or some medical condition.

    Let's hope people will try to be prayerful and very meticulous before choosing their partners to avoid the pangs of abuse.

    Enjoyed reading this soulful but hopeful piece. Well written and the imagery is so striking. It felt like reading from a novel excerpt. Lovely collab you both churned.
    With love dear, :-) Ciao!

  • 10 years ago

    by Someone Invisible

    For the simple fact that I could actually picture everything going on and feel the desperateness and hopelessness in it I commend you. I don't get images in my head it's all words and feelings when I read poetry, but ya'll hit the nail on the head and made an awesome piece together. not too much detail and there wasn't too overwhelming emotion in it. Truly truly nicely penned.

    My favorite two lines and probably the saddest in my opinion, were "she left those tires still, she let the engine die" that right there....I love that you ended the poem with those lines. Until I read them I wasn't sure which way ya'll were going to take the poem. Again great great poem.

  • 10 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    This is quite a colllab, it blends together so well and I love the mesh of the words. It is very well put together and it offers good description, leaving it easy to imagine the scene in the readers head. It is a story many can relate to and put their own experience into the words and emotions here.

    I really like the end of the opening verse, in that she is so desperate to move on, she doesn't actually care where she ends up. Like she feels anywhere will be better than what she is leaving. This shows how much damage has been done to her where she lives and how all of her memories have now been tainted.

    Sad story - but stories like this just mean there is a happier story around the corner. This poem gives us this female character and makes us empathise with her and want to move on with her and show this guy all the things she could be that he lost.

    Nice work.

  • 10 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    Well, hello bad-ass collabers! :)
    I am in love with this, ugh. I've read it so many times and fall deeper each time. It's got everything a top-notch poem is supposed to have. Added to my favorites.

    I love how you singled the opening out... it gives that anticipation, making the reader want to go to the next line to find out what is going to happen.

    First stanza: The imagery is absolutely astounding here... down to the exact model of her car, the amount of change, unmarked road map. The desperation to just get away shines here, she wants to leave quickly, as long as she's got enough to get out of the city, she's figure the rest out later. The need to leave is NOW... and it makes the reader wonder, why now? Why so urgent, what did he do, what did she do, etc. I like how the details aren't given but yet the reader knows her emotions so well.

    This poem has a "Safe Haven" by Nicholas Sparks feel to it... her leaving an abusive relationship, quickly in the night so he doesn't catch her... that hope to start fresh, begin another life without abuse.

    Second stanza: She was being suffocated, maybe physically and emotionally. She couldn't breathe fresh air around him, constantly afraid of making him mad perhaps. I love the constrast of delicate imprints and manacles... that at once point, the beginning of the relationship... he had seemed loving but in the end, he wrapped his limbs around her and wouldn't let go...controlling her, etc.

    "let's see where this will take us" -- this is so relatable to so many people because many relationships start off with this exact line... like the why not, let's give it a try... something simple but turns out into a nightmare.

    Ending: This ending... wow! You think she is taking a stand towards moving on, leaving this hell behind... but yet knowing all the torture she endures, all the suffering... behind all that, she still loves him, she still cherishes all the good memories they once had...she believes that things will get better... she doesn't find the strength to move those ties, she's bound to him... so she turns the ignition off.

    So many relationships are like this, it's sad really... but that little glimmer of hope that things will change keeps them there... that maybe today will be the day that he will show her the man he used to be, the man she fell in love with.

    Once again, love this... I need to see more from you two! <3

  • 10 years ago

    by Wild Flower

    Its awesome how you two blended your emotions together and created this master piece. Really powerful!!
    Great job you two hope to see more collabs by you:)

  • 10 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Judge Comment:

    These two ladies took me to a place in my own memories and touched me deeply, I do like it when I read a poem, that it can give me goosebumps and take me to memories of my own, that is hard for an author to do, and yet 2 authors collaborating is outstanding! These ladies need to write together more often, I look forward to reading more.

    I was impressed with out it starts out as a traveling memory of a woman needing to escape, the visionary display was beautiful. I could vision an open road to a brighter future, but what got me was the twist in the end... the darkness of looking back...

    this stanza blew me away:

    "Knowing all this,
    believing this was her chance to escape,
    she stared at her wax consistent house, that
    he burnt down, and smelled the aroma
    of pure hatred. Glued to its memories, its
    hope, its once picturesque persona, she
    left those tires still, she let the engine die."

    I can't express how much this ending stanza sealed the deal for me on my 10 choice. This entire poem is outstanding, heart gripping and could easily be song material... Truly adore this piece!! Well Done Chelsey and MaryAnne

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    The detail given throughout this piece is superb/ Beautifully written, too.

  • 5 years ago

    by Abstract Poet

    Beautiful Poem.