Comments : On The Mountain

  • 4 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Comment from Round 2 of FOP contest:

    I agree with you in your author's note about the comfort of this piano piece, and I admire the angle you took of not writing and letting loose your emotions but portraying the numbness of the pain or loss. I was completely absorbed in this poem and felt you have immense skill and craft in keeping that emotional tones in between the lines- it gives the poem a more powerful, taunting touch of nostalgia and regret. That line of "after everything happened" leaves me wondering how bad this loss was. This is beyond poetic but truly reaches into the soul and grabs a part of me. We all have lost someone we love and I think in those times we want our sorrow to be something else possibly... not our own, not so natural and human. I love how you make this line almost other-worldly and celestial, to have it be bright: "I wanted so badly for my despair to be that beautiful." I adore how you keep that one thought, almost like a hopeless wish you still have on your mind because you need to focus on something, anything at all. In the next stanza I feel solitude and how you may be akin to those far away stars, drawing in a similarity to them. The piece does get quieter as you mention there is no more singing, yet how your body still dances on the mountain. It's a desire maybe to have that one hope to keep you strong. Love the whole theme of stars here and how personal and pain-painstakingly you write about it! Very eloquent and heart-rending.

  • 4 years ago

    by Britt

    I really like your repetition of the stars and 'on the mountain' in this poem. For some reason, with that tune, seems to really connect with me. It all just.. flows? really well.

    "Some stars are so far away that they could
    have died years ago, and no one would notice.
    I thought maybe I could understand them."

    I really, really adore this part.. it struck me the most emotionally. It's interesting though because the stars have died but we don't know because their light shines so brightly... but if you could understand them, it would mean you had died (inside?) and no one would notice... but probably not because of the brightness, obviously. So there is a contradiction in the parallel, and I really, really liked that! Beautifully written :)

  • 4 years ago

    by Abed

    This is so well-written.

    Amazing.

  • 4 years ago

    by L

    Weekly Contest : July 15, 2013

    This poem's voice speaks directly to me. I like how I can relate this piece to life and how thought-provoking this write is, not to mention that it's enchanting. There are some stanzas that stand more to me than others for example:

    " After everything happened,
    I used to lie awake in the dark
    and look up at the stars, praying that I
    could somehow become like them."

    --- This is a nice introduction. It draws the readers attention right away. It allows for the reader to continue reading and also to wonder about the mystery of the stars.

    "Some stars are so far away that they could
    have died years ago, and no one would notice.
    I thought maybe I could understand them."

    " The stars don't sing for me anymore,
    but sometimes on the mountain,
    I dance slowly for them anyway.

    (And sometimes, on the mountain,
    I feel myself burn that bright.)"

    ---- There's so much that I can take from this stanzas and it's not just the imagery but I in one part can see this poem in the life category because the stars could stand for friends or people who over the time set distance between a relationship, or I could just take it literally and see the stars as something symbolic. Either way, I love how peaceful this piece is yet kind of nostalgic and I understand why it may have been place in the miscellaneous category because one can interpret it in many ways, yet this piece can touch many when reading it. Well written

  • 4 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    Judging comment:

    ""and look up at the stars, praying that I
    could somehow become like them. "

    I love this. This creates such a beautiful visual in my mind of the night sky and yet at the same time I picture someone emotionally broken, wishing that they could change, whether it be something about themselves or within their life and it creates somewhat of a paradox for me because of the conflicting visuals and emotions I feel from this.

    "Some stars are so far away that they could
    have died years ago, and no one would notice. "
    This. I love this. Oh my word. How can so few words create such powerful emotion? I have no idea and yet I am completely awed by this. When I first read this line I had to stop, go back, and read it again. And it made me think on how true this is, and something we never really consider. Personfying this, I can also assume this can be related to my earlier visual of someone broken, they died inside but nobody has noticed yet.

    "(And sometimes, on the mountain,
    I feel myself burn that bright.)"

    I love this. The poem to me, so far, has touched on a melancholic tone, but this: this leaves me with a feeling of hope. That you -can- burn brightly but without ever diminishing. That you -can- shine and that you are worth everything and more.
    Lovely poem. "

  • 4 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Judge Comment:

    Slighte has won me over with the stars!

    She has penned a piece that made me feel sorrow, emptiness, loneliness and yet hope.

    Dazzling lines and formatting made me read this poem many times. I do love the emotions I felt within every line.

    "The stars don't sing for me anymore,
    but sometimes on the mountain,
    I dance slowly for them anyway.

    (And sometimes, on the mountain,
    I feel myself burn that bright.)"

    ^^^^^^^^^^^ Emptiness, and yet hope... within the parentheses, that I couldn't help but drop my jaw at... Wonderful poem here!!