Comments : We'll Come Back In a Few

  • 4 years ago

    by L

    Congrats on the win! :D

  • 4 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    This was such a disturbing piece to me, the way you have taken all you see around you and form it into verses to tell the reader, tell a story we will never understand. It's a dark piece as well as sad in my mind because you have this deadened tone to it, like your spirit is gone and you have become lethargic in remembering everything that led up to this escape you're planning.

    The repetition of "I tripped over" made me imagine you are in shock at the sight of your country falling apart or that you have grown up in war and have seen how issues are still unsolved, and you are numb. To all the bloodshed. I also like how you referenced your parents.... possibly the pride of the father who built this home for you, and then your mother's deep concern, urging you to at least flee for a little while. But here you seem to know it will never end. The part about your child touched my heart and gave me the chills. I don't know what I would possibly do in a situation like that, but it would be nothing short of emotionally straining to have to keep your head up for your child, keep saying "soon" or in this case "in a few".... nothing is certain, yet you don't say there will end to it because I don't know if you even believe it yourself. The image of that smile at the end, the last smile maybe, is where you use the remaining energy you have. This is all you can offer him, bribe him with you move ahead and not be disheartened. Like you are taking on the legacy of your father, who didn't want you to think there would be no way out, or who lied to protect.

    Congratulations on the win! Very well-deserved.

  • 4 years ago

    by Amreen

    Congrats on the Win:)

    Awesome poem...

    Keep writing:)

  • 4 years ago

    by Hellon

    You have a couple of errors in your poem but that will not stop me commenting...shame on the person/persons who downvoted you!

    I cannot imagine anyone writing this verse without actually experiencing it...it must be aweful to live like that! I tripped..I tripped...you emphasis the horror here....very bluntly! Your ending also takes my breath away...I have to wonder...where do you live...have lived

    • 4 years ago

      by Abed

      I could use some help, please?

  • 4 years ago

    by Lostlove1

    Very visual poem that paints a picture ofa very dark moment.
    the power continues all the way thru the poem with imagery fantastic.

    :)
    Very well done and Congrats on your win!

  • 4 years ago

    by Olivia

    Wonderfully visual, Imagery immense, Well done!