True Friends

by Amreen   Jan 13, 2014


Counting the syllables of friendship,
my heart realizes the non-existence of rengays in my life.
How I wish for a transitional etheree
to shoulder my worries
for I feel like a lone haiku
still untouched by the bliss of genuine laughter.

---

Now, I plunge to breathe the new sunrises
with the search of true friends
to carve mirthful senryus
within the lines of a brevity
called "Life"

3


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Latest Comments

  • 3 years ago

    by LittleMsPink

    I find this piece to be a such a meaningful one, nice choice of words, your a great writer 5/5

    • 3 years ago

      by Amreen

      Thank you dear :)

  • 3 years ago

    by Midnight Sky

    Good job with poem I'm a big believer in true friendship 5/5 :-)

  • 3 years ago

    by BlueJay

    I really like this piece, there is a lot of imagery that is so wonderful and you are a true poet to describe things as other various poetic forms. I enjoy your word choice and how easily distinguishable your voice is here. There is a lot to love about this piece, and it's so unique!! Great job.

    Excellent write though my favorite bit:

    to carve mirthful senryus
    within the lines of a brevity
    called "Life"

    you ended the piece perfectly with that. ^

    and your intro was stunning, very intriguing.

  • 3 years ago

    by Beautiful Soul

    This is a really great poem here. It seems like the message is really simple but you went into so much depth. I think what you mean is that all life is unique and writing poetry is your whole life. I loved the use of different styles and the message is great. Every life is different and unique just like each type of poetry and poet. I loved the compareson overall. Well done.

  • 3 years ago

    by Colm

    I like what you try to do here making the metaphor with poetry forms. I'd never heard of a rangay before until I looked it up I thought it was a typo! I think the use of these forms are effective because they could mean your inability to write what or how you want due to writer's block or just low esteem, or it could symbolise how your life is unpolished, disorganised, almost chaotic: The opposite to what formed poems are. I liked this double meaning and I think it works well.

    One or two things I didn't like so much. The last line of the first stanza: 'the bliss of genuine laughter.' - I think this was a bit cliche: especially the words bliss and genuine. It just seems like something you might see on a lesser poem, it was a little lazy to me here and its a pity because it ends the good stanza on a bit of a negative point. Perhaps this translates into the next stanza too because I ddn't like it as much as the first. I can see the obvious change in the poem (well punctuated also) but for me it was a little too sudden, a little too much 'everything is fine again now' a little too quickly. It's kind of like saying 'I was sad but now I'm better' - I might have liked to see some of the struggle, or the poem left up in the air more. But you mention brevity and perhaps the brevity of the poem mirrors this and if so, it is clever. I guess I was somewhat disappointed by the last line which seems a little cliche too: The use of the word life. Although the punctuation makes me wonder: Why is it 'life' and not just life? Maybe there is a hint of sarcasm here, maybe a reference to Life Magazine? That bit puzzled me and I am probably missing out somewhat because of it.

    Overall then, I guess I think the poem starts off well but is hindered a little by some cliches and the resolution seeming to come a little too quickly and/or easily. Maybe an extra stanza could be added, if it could be done natually, or maybe the ending could be looked at. Or maybe I'm just being picky! Ha Either way, keep writing :)