Comments : The Pain of Your Smile

  • 4 years ago

    by Amreen

    Wow! This is so beautiful yet sad. I liked how you have showed the sadness within a smile and the pain it gives out to you. I really did missed your writes and I feel this is among the few which isnt a formed poetry yet so beautifully written.

    Amazing work!
    Keep writing:))

  • 4 years ago

    by DarkLight


  • 4 years ago

    by Everlasting

    Occasions of you
    captured and framed,
    are delicately cherished,
    reason for your happiness
    and its delights shared
    by us,

    On this stanza, I feel like it's missing something but other than that this was pretty good Meena! I like the repetition of the first stanza to the ending one and the subtle yet sad tone in your poem.

  • 4 years ago

    by Beautiful Soul

    I enjoyed this as well meena. I think in the first and laststanzas will should be would. "Will" ddoesn't really fit and takes away the flow for me. But the poem is very great and yet. A smile can hinder you very much so and it usually brings a bright place to your heart. So I enjoyed how you went to the sad and dark side of this. Memories can be a very haunting thing. It leaves you with a very heavy heart. I also liked the repeating stanzas because it wraps up the poem well. You are hurt from start to finish. Well done

  • 4 years ago

    by Mohan

    I didn't know
    your smile
    will bring an onslaught
    of pain,
    this line shows your pain and how much you severely suffered, memories become pain if we missed our loved one.
    I think no end for this poem..
    once again you penned well.

    take care meena

  • 4 years ago

    by don

    Emotional and raw, lovely , sad , love is hard


  • 4 years ago

    by Jyoti Rawat

    Www dear very nice.

  • 4 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    I agree with Beautiful Soul here, the "will" in the first and last stanza should be "would" - this will help the flow and the tense of the poem.

    I like how you opened with the stanza that you ended with, I often do this myself, and enjoy reading poems that have this pattern. I think it opens with a point, tells a bit of a story in the middle, and then ends with a reminder of the point you began with.

    I think you used the smile well, it emphasises that sometimes when we remember people, good or bad memories, it isn't always words that we remember. It can be the smallest of things, which seem so big now, like a smile.

    I also think you described well the lingering of the smile, how it seems to be in your house, and bring heaviness into it, meaning you can never escape from it. Like it is always in your mind, and the memory of that smile, leads you to memories of that person, that you shared with them.

    I think it is so sad that a smile, which should be happy, and leave happy thoughts and memories, could be changed into something that brings grief. The contrast here is so huge. I believe it shows that when we lose someone, and people tell us to hold onto the good memoires of that person, this often becomes impossible and the memories always remind us that we no longer have that person. I feel this truly explains the process of loss, whether the person has died, or just went their separate ways. The pain of loss always remains.

    Occasions of you
    captured and framed,

    - I got the image here of photographs lying around the house, perhaps on fireplaces, or on the wall etc. But these captured an occasion with this person, and you find yourself looking at them even more, and cherishing something that we probably walked past every day without looking anymore.

    Deep write.

  • 2 years ago

    by Nadia Selmann Casia

    I really like this poem. That I can see it from different perspectives, and that no matter how I read it, it touches me. you write such deep poetry :)