Comments : Steel Rims and Mended Glass

  • 3 years ago

    by Dancing Rivers

    Lovely poem, very intense emotion within.may I make a suggestion or two? Line six, try use "what"the real world looks like.just do a little basic editing of misrelated participles , example (using, what instead of how) but basically it's a really good poem,I would like to read it again once you've done some editing :-)

  • 3 years ago

    by Dancing Rivers

    Awesomeness!!! :-) just one or two more things,(hear-ted) did you do it on purpose for effect? If not, may I just add that it is written as (hearted) also instead of (so educate with things you don't need) try (to educate you...) Or (so we educate...) And (know to sow seeds) maybe (know how to...) And finally(..in room darkly lit) either (in rooms darkly lit) or (in a room darkly lit) and that'll be perfect :-)