Comments : To Die

  • 2 years ago

    by Greeter

    Everyday I drink a bit of poison,
    call me crazy but I have a reason.
    When finds out she says do you want to die??
    "To die you first have to be alive".

    Yup, to die one must be alive. On the third line, I think it may need some rewording. First, this is what I am wondering...

    The narrative in this piece, Who is it being told to? To the reader or are those just thoughts?

    I am under the impression that it's directed to the reader. In the first two lines, it feels that you are telling what you are doing, then on the third line, someone found out something, right? So shouldn't that line be in past tense?

    When she found out, she said to me,
    "Do you want to die???
    but to die, you first have to be alive"

    Afterwards, you may have to continue writing more. Otherwise, the poem feels a tad incomplete. That may depend on the reader though, so it could just remain as it is. Short.

    nice piece

  • 2 years ago

    by La Reina De Corazones

    Alright although I read this poem before I left I didn't have the motivation to actually comment on it I was too busy thinking of home and since I came back I will comment on every poem that I didn't comment on.

    For a short poem you gave it life which includes: imagery, emotions and a little flavor of whom you are as every poem that every poet makes does that.

    I love the imagery, I especially loved the first line it just grabbed my attention and I guess I'm a bit morbid , but this poem calls for that. I love how the ending was a quote I wonder who gave you the inspiration for that? Quite lovely in fact.

    While the emotions here portrayed darkness I actually looked at it in my mind but it's just a conversation and advise; the way a person looks at life, basically we have lived to have died. Anyways nice job! :)

    5/5

    -Mori

    • 2 years ago

      by Mihir Deshmukh

      Thank you! The story behind this one is rather comic, though,you see there were a lot of bugs in my place (must be from the garden) so I sprayed some poison and I sat there and as I inhaled it this thing came into my mind!!