The simplistic wording of this poem is well used. Love is a language that can be shown and said in many forms. Here the simplest of acts are shown a massage. And you have known this person for so long that you can tell when something is deeply wrong, I am definitely the same way. His thoughts are racing and with that he cannot speak clearly about what is bothering him. Eyes can speak the loudest as they show all the different emotions that one is feeling, like here they could be in a panic or sad. And you are the only one who can speak in the same tongue as them, because you know this person well enough to do so. This person needed you to lean on. Sometimes words don't need to be said because your love is there for them always. I live this poem Hannah, because it shows how much love can really heal a soul. Great job!
One night, when the countdown
to sunrise began,
I could read his anxiety like
braille when I rubbed his shoulders
and begged him to confide in me.
Beautiful first stanza, it has the time of the day, the emotions,and more beautiful than that was that it was a couple, I would like to think it is a couple and she's asking him to confide his troubles with her. Also love that you can read your man so well that just massaging his back is enough to know something is wrong.
Erosion slowly settled in the
blueprint of his heart as he
softly caressed my hands,
sighing at the thought of
describing unfinished thoughts.
Awe this vivid picture is so beautiful! I am jealous of this poem! I really really am, I would want to have a true relationship like this! It's sweet and trusting and open from just this stanza if this man is based on your fiancee then girl you are super lucky! This stanza made me believe that true love is still out there for me ( I'm very pessimistic about love)
His eyes locked with mine
and in that moment,
they had a vocabulary
of their own -
a language that only I
had the privilege to learn.
Very adorable Hannah and very romantic. It really is basically saying that you can really read a person and you don't have to talk to konw and love each other, and that you have gained his trust while few have ever gotten it. Again I'm jealous of a poem.
I realized that words didn't
need to be said that night,
comfort instead of advice,
love instead of logic -
for once, he needed me.
I was right earlier in the comment, love that it now turned to night. Awe adorable to the two last stanzas I love how you worded it out since it's simple but it still makes the impact on the heart! Really beautiful and for being so beautiful I say NOMINATED! 5/5 very beautiful by the way Hannah again jealous of a poem since I want a partner like that lol hope you have the perfect man
I love how you do not go overboard with any descriptions or details, and there are only these two characters in the poem, and the relationship is clearly shown to us all as readers.
I can picture the worry on your face, but the anxiety on his, and perhaps some annoyance at first from you because you just want to know what is in his thoughts, on his mind, but he is not ready to share.
I really like how you used "unfinished thoughts" this was cleverly done and I totally understand what this is like, people asking what is wrong when you have not yet figured out the whole story for yourself!
I like the end of the poem, and how you decide that all he needs is you, like the real you without saying any words, just to be there for him through this troubled time. I love how you worded this.
Finally, well done all mixing your titles, you did a great job with them and then also created another unique title which caught my eye!! Your title skills are rocking!
Great job girl!
3 years ago
This piece is amazing so congrats on the well deserved win. I love how even with such a simple piece you managed to write something with such depth, importance and personality. The way you decided to tell this story is wonderful and a beautiful combination of style and your own voice so wonderful job with that. this is the kind of piece that people can always relate to one day, whether its a friend, sibling, or love everyone gets their chance to be needed loved and comforting. the final two stanzas completely blew me away, the way they wrapped everything up without giving too much detail was beautiful.
I love the simplicity of the poem. It's short but packs a punch. And I think that both really play into the beauty of the poem.
I like the story because it is relatable and you describe it from a woman's standpoint which, in my case, makes it easier to connect with.
Also, the connection between the two characters shows the nature of the relationship, the understanding that each have for each other. I think that is a hard thing to portray through words yet you did it flawlessly.
The last two parts are the selling point for me. It really gets down to the idea of the poem and it reflects that moment when you realize how to help someone. It shows that an emotional connection can be just as good, maybe even better, than words of advice.
It's lovely. Great job.
3 years ago
I really enjoyed this! The intimacy between the narrator and her guy was beautiful!!
This poem really took me into one moment in time and really made that moment into a big scene. This is a great talent to have while writing poetry, to be able to show that very small moment, and make it big and vivid for a stranger to understand. It shows an early morning rise of a couple who have not slept because the man's anxiety has filled the room, and his partner is aware there is trouble brewing inside his mind. What I really like about the wording of this poem is that the narration comes from only the female, and yet she makes the poem about her partner and how she understands his silence. We learn about him, through her words and observations. It is a beautiful poem capturing the meaning of love, and how being there is sometimes needed more, than having to do something or say something. A simply precious write.
This is beautiful written and so much truth to it. At times when we are going through rough times all we really need is to feel the presence of someone close to us. They don't need to say anything but they sure provide this great comfort.