Comments : Smoking Gun

  • 3 years ago

    by Dancing Rivers

    Oh my wowness!!!! This poem is so beautiful!!!I love the poignant, melancholy tone, the atmosphere is rather light hearted at first, it brought a smile upon my face as the tone reminded me of when old people reminisce and the detail with which they describe their memories creates such vivid images and notions that one can't help but feel as though the memories were one's own.this is exactly how your poem made me feel!!!

    The tone towards the end is (for lack of a better word) slightly bitter, it's add though you are bitter towards this girl because she stole a great part of you away, yet you don't feel you can blame her so much because it was of your own doing and you feel resentment towards yourself and the situation, because let's face it, nobody likes to blame themselves.the rhyme scheme is really well executed, you've mixed the words order around in am interesting manner in order to make the poem rhyme, just be careful though that you don't over-do the word order thing especially with all the punctuation as it may cause a bit of a traffic-jam effect when reading the poem.
    Otherwise, thus is a brilliant write and I absolutely adore it!!! 5/5