What Love Means to Me

by Wednesday   Nov 17, 2014

Touch me, give me attention
Never even try to leave me side
Assauge my overwhelming emotion
Always needing too much, never satisfied

If you don't acknowledge even one word I say
Or chose to lace your words with the wrong tone
Don't try because I won't let you walk away
I'll force you to hear the agony slicing to the bone

Lips like velvet as I tenderly kiss you goodbye
Severing the love connection in my twisted head
Too many hours since you left and I cry
My heart shrieking my want to be dead

Something inside of me whispers that your lying
Convincing my thoughts that you're cheating on me
Piercing the wounded part of me that's dying
Cruelly swept up in the infinite vortex of My BPD

Awarding my anxious waiting you finally come home
Capturing my attention with your beautiful eyes
In their depths cast promises of never being alone
Guilt devours my heartfrom all my lies

Exploring and feeling your body with my fingers
Tendrils of breathe carry the need for you
As my soft, light caress slowly lingers
Shifting away you say this isn't what you wanna do

Such a insignificant act breaks my mask of perfection
Mind twisting and thinking somehow I had done wrong
Truely hating myself because of your rejection
Ripped open I'm the one who is never strong

At one moment you are my life and I love you
Far more than the endless stars in the night sky
At the next moment I hate everything that you do
Out of reality I think your every word is a lie

Feed me the tender affection I never knew
Replenish attention from many years of neglect
Both of us realize this has nothing to do with you
Both of us know I'm stuck in a time I can't forget

Don't cause me to think you're abandoning me
Regardless of if it's my imagination or reality
Desperately, I act upon my fear impulsively
These are the roots of my borderline personality

Even if every person in the world irrevocably loved me
There will never be enough love for me in the world
It could never relieve a soul treated neglectfully
No amount of love can save a five year old girl

Kiss me forever, always show me affection
You know not to attempt to say or do anything
Please rescue me from the devil in my reflection
I only believe you love me if you do or be everything

Through my soul I gaze through eyes blazing angrily
Emotions blind the eyes of mine that see reality
Hitting, demeaning diction, crying at night silently
Threats, screaming,  loneliness,  this is my family
Unknowingly creating my excruciating BPD
All my life this has always been what love is to me


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