Comments : Monster I Am

  • 3 years ago

    by Colm

    I think this is a good effort. Although some parts are a little patchy, the rhyme overall is good and flows well. I realise this is probably a venting poem and it is great for the reader to feel the tone in the poem, but if you were looking to edit, here are a few suggestions:

    'Emotions that hurt so bad'
    ^^
    This line is quite unpoetic: Sometimes I think the word 'so' should be banned in poetry! It is usually better to show rather than tell how something feels.

    I think the poem could benefit from some punctuation: commas at the end of some of the lines would help I think. E.g.

    Emotions that hurt so bad,
    Eating me inside and out -
    My emotions are all I've ever had,
    Listen for the agony in my shout

    Tears slip off my chin
    From eyes that plead,
    Help me again and again -
    You are the one I need.

    ^^
    Just experiment with it a little if you are interested, it might help.

    I think the ending is strong: it brings the poem together well and sums it up: the last stanza shows the reader the inner turmoil you are going through. In summary, on the positive side it is a poem full of emotion and duality which could be possibly improved with some thought and editing, despite not being the most original poem. Keep it up!

  • 3 years ago

    by La Reina De Corazones

    Earlier I commented on another poem and said I wanted a darker poem, this is to my liking I want the imagery to make me shiver, to wince, to feel scared for the person in a poem, basically I want to enjoy reading a dark poem. The flow to me was nice and although like Colm said in some places were patchy it was still interesting to read, awesome to imagine, and the emotions I got from this were stellar. Thank you for making this poem and welcome to the club 5/5

    -Mori