Comments : A Little Shoe's Cry

  • 2 years ago

    by Michael D Nalley

    I am very humbled by the delivery of this worthy theme. The dark imagery was so very effective in impressing indelible ink in my mind about the need for justice in the world . Your wording reflects the destruction of sacred temples or vessels where the souls dwelled on earth in relative peace before this horrible unimaginable act of terrorism and cowardly attack on unarmed innocence . You should share this with cyberwit.net of who I have several paperbacks in the house that they sent me for the price of postage . I could not improve the formatting and in my humble opinion this poem has no need of editing . Thank you for bringing it to my attention

  • 2 years ago

    by konpreah

    I see you're no stranger to war.

    • 2 years ago

      by Mihir Deshmukh

      No sir,war has become a love I am interwined with for the rest of my life, cause it seems to love my mind!!

  • 2 years ago

    by Hellon

    What a sad poem on a topic that is just heartbreaking. So many innocent children gone for something the were too young to understand. You could have written about the many bodies that were lying dead but..the vision of the little shoe on it's own made the reader stop and picture this in their mind. Sad but...wonderful delivery....well done.

    • 2 years ago

      by Mihir Deshmukh

      Thank you,my idea actually was to use an object that wouldn't mean anything in that scenario and then use it to depict the whole scene which I felt was done!The link is for a picture of a bloody shoe!

  • 2 years ago

    by uttAm

    That attack was really saddening and horrifying which took innumerable life of innocent childs.
    Coming into your poem, i think you've done a great job, within few words you've potrayed the whole scenario of massacre into the readers mind that how ruthless was it. I really liked how you've used a little child's shoe, which was a victim of that massacre, to write your poem instead of telling to the readers directly, which i again think is quite unique by you. Great job that's it!!:)

    • 2 years ago

      by Mihir Deshmukh

      Thank you sir! I am glad you liked the poem!

  • 2 years ago

    by Tiffany

    Awww so sad D':

  • 2 years ago

    by mazzy star

    Heartfelt

  • 1 year ago

    by Em

    Mihir,

    This is a sad reality that is happening all over but to inflict such brutality on the innocence of a child is sickening.

    I feel you have portrayed the whole scenario on the whole in a beautiful, unique way.

    There,
    ^^
    I like how you just start with this as the reader wonders where exactly.

    in the heap
    of limbs,
    ^^
    This continues on from the first line and explains where and is an harsh reality as to where you have started from.

    limbs scattered by a tiny she'll
    ^^
    The repetition of the word limbs I feel shows there are many limbs which as a massacre there was. I just think you should take the ' out of she'll :)

    is a little shoe
    no bigger than my hand
    ^^
    This tells the reader it is a show me from a young child because of the use of 'little' and as it's no bigger than your hand. This is the saddening truth as this particular massacre killed many children.

    but I
    see no legs
    to which it could belong!!
    ^^
    This poor child not only lost it's life but it's limbs :(

    Just a lonely little shoe,
    waiting,
    for it's mistress to return
    to be again put on
    to again feel her warmth
    ^^
    This is heart-breaking because this shoe is waiting and will be waiting for some time as it's owner will never return. And lie this Childs family it will grieve and I think the shoe is a good portrayal of this poor Childs family.

    and thus
    telling a story
    a story unheard
    ^^
    This child will no longer be able to tell any stories because of these unforeseen circumstances.

    under the guns and roses,
    under the political speeches,
    under the endless condolences.
    ^^
    These lines are raw and very truthful.

    And thus,
    neglected it's right to speak
    it still shouts,
    calls it's mistress's name
    waiting for her to come back.
    ^^
    How very, very emotional.

    The use of a shoe that doesn't really mean anything to anyone really links in well as it eventually I feel links in to the emotion that Childs family will feel.

    Em