He Never Loved Me

by Maren L Johnson   Nov 17, 2015

He never loved me
Well damn I just found out
Took a shot to the heart
Don't know where I should start
I guess I musta been strung out
Cuz I was straight up on his arm flashing that aint no brother like the one I got
Saying girl I'm so lucky
You just jealous
Whatchu mean he's cheating
Ahh shut yo mouth

Making plans, writing poetry, letting his hands be one with me
He was free to play games with me
With my identity
When he was through with me
I barely recognized who she was cuz she was not me

But I was forever high
See I
I planned our wedding in my mind a million times
Yeah I said we'd name our first kid Tasha
Or prolly Sasha
Even after his great grand aunt Hadassah
Kiki or prolly Eloise
He could bend me over
To his whim or his fancy

Deeply committed was I
To this guy
I didn't care about the why
I just cared about his smile

How his face would light up when he saw me
And just how it was all so wild
was never a part of our loving
heavy from the get nicca always had me coming
To him constantly running to him
Gunning for him
Loving just him
Giving never ex-pec-ting

He didn't love me
See I just found out
One day it came to me when I was walking around the house
It came to me
How I'd put his needs before mine
Put ma money on his hustle
Saying everything would be fine
Cuz I would be-ne-fit
Joint bank accounts
Cleared out savings
Warning signs begged me to put an end to the ish
But I just couldn't quit
I could not forget

He was that 9-5 that I just could not leave
So I worked tirelessly hoping the boss would recognize
My efforts and promote me.

Promote me?
Dumb me
Strung out
Oh boy kinda good turn out
Everyone showed up but sanity

Cuz I musta been crazy to letchu play me
and sway me to your mindset
Wet, my heart with regret
turned me cold a reject

Deject-ted I stayed that way for centuries
Soul moment suffering through comments
Holding on to moments
Dead to emotion to me anomaly

He never loved me
I was silly blind trying to find
Reasons for his indiscretions
His lack of confession
Why he never let me in
Musta been ma sins
saying be more forgiving.

He never loved me.


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