Intended

by Beautiful Chaos   Feb 20, 2016


I intended to die
Both times
It really felt like once
I never found my will after the first attempt
I was angry
I didn't know why I was still here
I was grasping
At anything I could
I needed to feel something
Anything
I held that love with a death grip
And it was killing me
I was killing me
Again and again
The guilt was slowly eating me
How I made them feel
Like they weren't good enough
But they were
It was me
Me who felt like I wasn't good enough
I let someone steal my worth
The belief I had in myself
I let them bleed me
Twice
I was sinking
I had forgotten how to swim
How to live
I had given too much of myself away
Lost sight of who and what I am
I allowed them to destroy me
Define me
Unwind me
I forgot I mattered
Now I rise
Like a phoenix from the ashes
Burned
Scarred
But stronger than before

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Latest Comments

  • 1 year ago

    by PETER EDWARDS

    What an uplifting poem Beautiful Chaos!
    So loved the ending. There's hope for all of us!
    Well penned!

  • 1 year ago

    by Edward Oropeza

    This piece is very strong and heart touching. Poems sometimes is the way to express our thoughts that help us relief internally. The very essence of the poem is itself a medicine not just a part of the beautiful literature. Good luck and Good job. Keep counting for tomorrow, a days lost can be recovered by a thousand days of the future. Keep believing in your self, it will unlock the possibilities.

  • 1 year ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    My heart breaks reading this. And I can relate in my own way. Attempts are scary and so hard to get past once you think back. But there IS healing. We have to believe that. And yes, you ARE stronger now I completely believe that. I love the image of the phoenix rising from the ashes. Inspiring.

    Thanks for sharing this. Take care :)

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