Comments : Earth Day Offering (Shakespearean Sonnet)

  • 1 year ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Hello Andrea

    This is excellently rhymed and unforced and your imagery is as ever wonderful.

    I will be honest in regards to iambic pentameter though which is what sonnets are written in.
    You may know what that entails, but I'll try and explain anyway! lol
    Iambic pentameter means 10 syllables split into five 'feet'. Each 'foot' is made up of two syllables - unstressed and stressed in that order. When you say them out loud, it should have a 'da-dum' beat. eg, If you say 'repair' out loud, the stress (or the bit you push out) is on 'pair' and the unstressed syallble is on 're' - so that's an iambic foot.

    To take a line for example, the third stanza starts with 'earthy' - the stress is on the 'earth' where to follow iambic meter it needs to start with an unstressed syllable and the line should finish with a stressed one. Also, I count 9 syllable on that line, lol

    You may be and probably are aware of all this - iambic pentameter is very difficult - but the more you practice the easier it gets.
    Michael or Larry can explain it a lot better than me.

    Either way, as above, a beautiful poem and I hope you don't mind my comment.

    All the very best
    Ben

  • 1 year ago

    by Maple Tree

    Yes I know about iambic pentameter...never have been good with it.

    That you for the syllable catch...

    Hugs you

  • 1 year ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Another beautiful natural visual poem. I like very much the visuals especially the star glow flames the magical sky.
    I absolutely believe that nature is within your soul. I think you must have been a tree in a previous life.

    I don't know anything about sonnets as I am new to poetry writing but certainly I loved the effortless rhyming and visuals.
    Take care Milly xx

  • 1 year ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Hugs back, Andrea - I thought you probably knew. It really is difficult but what I love about this is reads as smooth as glass anyway and comes across as entirely unforced - when rhyming AND keeping to a syllable count, that's no easy feat.

    Take care,
    Ben

  • 1 year ago

    by Em

    Andrea,

    Another wonderfully written piece full of imagery that never seems to amaze me with you.

    Take care, Em

  • 1 year ago

    by Britt

    This was breathy, effortless, and so soft. Honestly turning this poem into an item, it would be delicate, but not fragile, almost like lace. Intricate, woven into hearts. This is simply beautiful. I can tell this poured out from the very depths of your heart. So beautiful.

  • 1 year ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Hello Andrea,

    a lovely poem. Shakespearean sonnets are challenging and put many writers off. This nature sonnet is full of love; a gift for Earth and a gift for us here at PnQs.

    Well done,

    Michael

  • 1 year ago

    by Deana

    This was really hauntingly beautiful!

  • 1 year ago

    by Brenda

    Andrea, this is so beautiful! I love the imagery you've made with this lovely sonnet. Hauntingly beautiful! Congratulations on your win, well deserving.

  • 1 year ago

    by Darren

    Judges comment

    I would have given this a 10 if it was written in old English to match the Shakespearean theme.
    But to write a sonnet is difficult enough so it gets my 7, Syllable count checked and is correct.
    Nice detail throughout as I would expect from Maple tree.
    Another one of her poems that takes you on a journey as her words whisper around your ears.
    7 points

  • 1 year ago

    by Saerelune

    Hi there, I'm catching up on all the comments I didn't post yet when I was judging the weekly contest! Here you go:

    "Simply said: this is a very magical poem. I got a soul-searching vibe from this. I loved how nature was embedded deep into the persona, her own body, almost feigning personification. Nature was truly brought to life in this poem and I loved the crisp descriptions. As for the format, I barely noticed anything, which is a good thing because it means that it was easy to read / didn't feel forced. The rhyming might not be "fully correct", as there are mostly half rhymes, but I wasn't bothered by it. Syllable count was also spot on, except I'm not sure about the second stanza's second line, probably because I pronounce "devoured" with 2 syllables only. The only true remark I'd have regarding the format is probably the third stanza's fourth line, where the grammar was adjusted to get 10 syllables (slow should be slowly), but that's just a nitpicky remark as a result of reading more analytically. But like I said, for the casual reader the poems feels nice to read."