Comments : Sleeping among the stars

  • 2 years ago

    by Em

    Darren, it was hard judging that contest because all the poems that came in were all exquisite.

    This was a beautiful piece full of imagery.

    As I sleep among the stars
    (of this unfurnished mind)
    I toss a moss covered stone
    through wind and rain
    witnessing hail blowing a gale
    this wind clearing cobwebs from my earlobes.
    I love the imagery in this opening stanza. I can just imagine being in the shadows watching you throwing the stone into the wind and rain. I love how you say wind clearing cobwebs from your ears, it's like it clearing you of the burden you feel somehow, maybe wrong.

    My aim is off in slumber-land
    as it is in this river of regurgitated anguish
    I call 'everyday'
    Wow, I love this line because the day can be be full of pain and especially now that the earth is being treated the way it is.

    Suns set, switching places with solemn moons
    grasping my temples, squeezing hard
    then running slowly through desecrated meadows
    I shake birds from trees
    hoping to free new ideas.
    Again the imagery here is beautiful. I like the thought of the meadow being desecrate because tines are changing and we are leaving on crap land behind. Also, the shaking of birds from trees to help you with new ideas.

    I have dreamt of gorging on acorns
    cursing leaves suicidal tendencies
    desperately fighting water with fire
    burning my fingers off in the process.
    This is my favourite because you are trying your hardest to rid the earth of it's unwanted things yet have getting burnt in the process. Like many of us we try and help but cannot do it alone.

    I have tossed snow off mountain tops
    dragged flowers from their beds
    disturbing the contented soil.
    Love the image here of flowers being dragged from their beds disturbing the soil that was once perfect.

    Have you ever tried to remain in the subconscious
    each night offering fantastical nightmares
    as a mixed up brain feeds grass to fish
    then fishes for grass amongst dying embers.
    Love the imagery again here of a man trying to do right to being able to because of a confused mind and because of his mind he does wrong by himself and others.

    The welcoming embrace of sleep
    disturbed by another day
    arriving before I am ready.
    A lovely ending that speaks wonder because now I feel this was all in your head as mixed up thoughts coming out. Day coming before you are ready but time will wait for no man or woman.

    Elegantly written.


    • 2 years ago

      by Darren

      Thanks Em

      really appreciate your comment
      You must have been writing this
      as I was editing,
      I have mixed it up a little to make it even more confusing
      even for me.

      thanks again

  • 2 years ago

    by Em

    I'll take another look :)

  • 2 years ago

    by Maple Tree


    I really adored this entry...

    You have such a great style of elegance within your poetry and you amaze me with your creativity!

    Your ending is fun and powerful, you make a statement within the elegant world of nature.. love this!

    • 2 years ago

      by Darren

      Thanks maples,

      we need another contest

      so I actually write something again......


  • 2 years ago

    by Everlasting

    I don't know why you want to stay in the subconcious. :)

    I guess i have a clue.

    One of my fave out of the contest.

  • 1 year ago


    I think that there's more than just a 'little more madness' within this write Darren, but then that adds I think to it's appeal.